An Open Letter To My Friends & Family

For those of you who are friends or family this letter is for you,

I wanted to say thank you for trying to understand what I've been going through while in medical school. I know it's kind of complex and I tend to have to explain the journey multiple times but don't apologize for asking me to explain it to you 'one more time'. It's tough to follow! Sometimes I don't even know the answers to your questions and I have to look them up myself.

I know I've been here, but not really here. Home, but not really home. Textbooks and question banks have taken over my life. I used to be so great at responding to text messages and remembering special events but all of those have been slipping my mind. Trust me, when I do remember them I feel HORRIBLE about forgetting about them on their proper day.

Thankfully, every time I do pop up from my little study hole and apologize for taking ages to respond you always understand and tell me not to worry. You don't even realize how much that means to me.

I can't even describe how much I wish I could go to all of the birthday parties, get togethers and events but studying has consumed my life right now.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD FOR ME.

I made the decision to go into medical school and go through the rigorous training to become a Doctor. I knew there would be some social sacrifices that would come along with it. I fully accept that - but because of that little internal "Doctor" instinct of wanting to be there for everyone, I know I have to be selfish.

I guess a part of me wants to apologize for putting you through this too - because we are going on this journey together.

You help keep my sanity. You help when I'm stressed. You help when I've had a horrible study day. You help to lighten my mood when a test is coming up. You remind me that I am supposed to be here. You tell me I will be a great Doctor one day.


Even though you attribute this to "just being a good friend" know to me it means so much more than that. I wouldn't be where I am today without you so any of my wins are just as much yours.

Thank you for joining me on this wild ride. I promise to keep the good stories coming,

Jen

Type A or B?

Hi Friends!

I'm writing this post because I've been having many conversations about this topic over the past few weeks and I honestly find it pretty interesting.

I'm sure you've all heard about Type A and Type B personalities - but what do they really mean?

I just typed them into google and this fun little quiz came up to see what personality type you are

What Personality Type are you?

As medical students I think we all have a part of Type A personality in us, some more than others, but what does that really mean?

Other than the obvious personality traits a Type A person is described as impatient, concerned about time management, anxious, rigidly organized, workaholics... the list goes on. What else does Type A mean?

There have been several studies published that show that people who have Type A Personality are more likely to have early CAD (coronary artery disease), high blood pressure and are at an increased risk of stroke. As someone who is trying to be in the medical field and who's job it is to advocate healthy choices and decisions, I believe it's pretty ironic that we could be the patients who have very preventable health issues.

Then what do we do to prevent this? I'm going to be honest I'm still trying to figure it out for myself because my personality heavily sits on the Type A side but I think it just all comes down to having an outlet.

Whether that means drawing, working out, dancing, singing, going in nature, playing with animals (favourite by far), reading, watching your favourite TV show - we need to integrate something into our schedule that can help relieve some of our stress.

For example, I'm gonna use myself here, my first round of studying at home I just studied day in and day out. No breaks. Nothing fun. No days off. And I noticed that my energy levels were SO LOW. It was so hard to get out of bed in the morning - so difficult to get motivated and tough to even learn new information. I decided something had to change so I started integrating in work out breaks, dance parties, study space changes and little did you know my productivity levels increased and even though I was waking up an hour earlier (some days even more) than I did before I had a heck of a lot more energy. I gave myself one day off a week and to my surprise even though I was working one less day a week (shame, shame, shame) the other six days I was working I was able to get so much more done and I was able to retain a lot more.

Figuring out a schedule that works for you can be a pain but once you figure out what works best for your body I promise your studying will feel totally different.

- Jen

Hospital Visit Number One!

Hello!

I had a few people ask me about my experience at Princess Margaret Hospital this past week so I figured I'd do a whole post about it!

For those of you who may not know in 4X at Ross we do two hospital visits to the main hospital in Dominica - Princess Margaret Hospital. The hospital is located in the capital of Dominica Roseau - about an hour drive from where the school is.

For this visit I was in the Dialysis and Oncology units in the morning and then I did a mock OSCE in the afternoon.

For those who don't know what OSCE is - it's a clinical exam we take - Step 2 CS. For the real exam, we go through 20 rooms, each with a standardized patient, and we perform an interview and physical exam and then we have 10 minutes to write a SOAP note after each room. The standardized patient grades us along with doctors who watch the video recordings of us in the room. Ours was not as intense (it still was though don't get me wrong - I definitely had my adrenaline pumping) we had 3 rooms instead of 20. But essentially everything else was the same. Even though it was very stressful I'm happy we were given the opportunity to practice our skills and go though a mock Step 2 CS exam.

As for the hospital itself - it looks nothing like a hospital you would imagine back at home. It was essentially blocks with covered walkways connecting different wards together. So we first went to the dialysis unit where patients come on two different regimens for their treatment; Monday, Wednesday, Friday OR Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. Since these patients have kidneys that are functioning at very low levels they need to come three times a week so the dialysis machines can filter their blood for them. We had the honour of meeting two patients who allowed us to talk to them and learn more about their back story and how they ended up on dialysis.

We met one pleasant woman who was from the same area as Ross who allowed us to palpate her fistula (the connection of a vein to an artery) and it was different than a normal pulse that's for sure - I'm not even sure how to describe it. I've never been in a dialysis unit or palpated a fistula so this was all very new and interesting to me.

Next we went to the Oncology ward - unfortunately it wasn't a very busy day but we had the amazing opportunity to speak with one of the doctors, Dr. Malakar, who actually helped to find the discipline of Oncology in the medical field. I personally gained a lot more insight into Oncology and how doctors manage patients with a large team.

My next visit is on February 14th (Happy Valentines Day to me) and I will be going into two specialities for the day which I am very excited about. I'm crossing my fingers hoping I'm able to go into the OR or go into the Orthopaedic ward.

Jen

One Year Can Change Everything

Hello my friends!

I'm currently sitting in a classroom learning about hypertension and all different vascular and heart disorders (I'm in my Cardio block) and I took a little study break and I saw that one year ago today I had my white coat ceremony. I can vividly remember the day... we had lectures that morning and then in the afternoon we got to sit through our white coat ceremony. I couldn't focus in class that day - this is a big day for any medical student - finally getting that short white coat with the hopes that one day it will become a long white coat. I remember looking around at all of my classmates and just seeing how happy and determined we all were.

Since then we've gone through three full semesters - now starting our fourth. It's been a long and bumpy road I tell you but all the while so worth it. Throughout this past year, and I can only speak for myself, there have been so many tears, frustrations, doubt, panic phone calls home, naps, patient encounters, skills developed, people met and mental strength that I don't think I can even put it into words. You really don't know what this takes until you fully immerse yourself in it.

Even still I find myself sitting here thinking, "Do I really deserve to be here?" and that thought is always followed by "JENNIFER YOU CAN'T FAKE YOURSELF THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL". And I think we all need to really realize that. You didn't just somehow stumble upon this path and somehow made it to this point in your journey by chance. You did it because you put in the hard work and dedication and carved your way here. Yes I said it...

YOU DID IT you smart human you!

So pat yourself on the back and give yourself a little credit, I know we are all our hardest critics, because you should be pretty darn proud of yourself for getting this far in your journey. Whether it be deciding you want to go into medicine, getting accepted into medical school, finishing your first...second...third...fourth...fifth semester, writing step one/comlex, doing rotations, getting that match, getting through residency or getting that ultimate final goal of being an attending. Hold your head high and smile because it takes a lot of hard work and you did it... not by luck or by some chance.

You did it because you worked your butt off and achieved it.

Jen

MERP C - we out!

Find your Tribe

Hey guys!

So I was asked a really good question and I thought it would give me a perfect opportunity to write a blog post.

"How do you keep going when people doubt you?"

I have a long and a short answer to this one...

In short - DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!

Now my longer response. Everyone I've spoken to has had their fair share of people who didn't believe in them or didn't think that they would be able to get to whatever their dream goal was. I can only speak from my own experience but I've had my own non-believers in my life. It's difficult when you are seeing any sort of academic advisors and they tell you to "quit" or "drop out" or "try again later". So negative... and such a bone breaking way to crush someones soul. Coming back from situations like that are very difficult. But it all boils down to your support system.

I've been so incredibly grateful that my friends and family have always stood behind my back 150%. Whether they be at home (hi Mom, Dad, Alex and Babcia!), on the other side of the country (hi Mary Anne!) or on the other side of the world (hi Susan!) I know I have people who have so much belief and faith in me that it just keeps me going.

But back to getting over that initial soul crushing moment - it's going to be hard... and it will never get easier when someone says you can't do something. Turn those emotions around and take all that sadness and all of those tears and fight. Do everything you can to prove that person wrong. So what if they don't think you can make it into medical school. Half of the time they may not really even know what it takes to get into medical school (other than your usual GPA and MCAT statistics). And find someone who does believe in you.

I've been so fortunate that my parents have always told me to follow my dreams and they will always be there for me. Internally that wasn't enough. I wanted someone from an academic standpoint to believe in me too. Fortunately I was able to find professors who believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. And I want to say thank you to them - for writing my letters of recommendation, letting me sit in your office to talk, welcoming me into your lab and for most importantly not putting any weight on my transcript and basing their opinion on me after knowing me as a person and as a student.

All in all - you will have people who will doubt you or criticize you on the way but take everything they say with a grain of salt and keep on pursuing your dreams.

- Jen

One Month Left

Hey guys!

It's been about a month since you've heard from me (sorry about that) but I've been a busy little medical student over here! We just had a very heavy, and very interesting, Heme and Lymph and MSK block and mini. Now we are in our GI block and then we have Reproductive and then third semester will be over!

I don't know about the rest of my class but I am starting to feel the burn of basically being in school for a year straight (including MERP). I think no matter how much you try to avoid it it will hit you at one point and from then on it's a pure endurance battle. Waking up in the morning is a little harder, easy concepts seem so much more difficult, going home seems painfully far away and stress levels keep rising.

It gets tough and nothing really ever prepares you for it. One of my good friends posted an article saying to go into medicine because you want to go into medicine, not because you have stellar grades or your parents want you to or you want to make money. None of that will get you through medical school. The only thing that will get you through will be your desire to become a doctor. This got me to thinking - what were my thoughts before I got into medical school. How did I interpret becoming a doctor and more importantly medical school?

So I started rummaging through my inbox with the hopes of finding my MD Essay.

Here's a little bit of that essay. I know it's helping me out right now to read it again and to realize all you need to do is fight.

"My road to fourth year has required significant focus and I have been faced with many different challenges along the way. The identity crisis in my very first semester, realizing that what I had envisioned myself studying was not actually what I wanted to do alarmed me tremendously. I found I struggled with identifying who I was. During my whole high school career it seemed obvious that I would study Mechanical Engineering. When I came to the realization that I had no passion for it, it made me extremely nervous and uncomfortable. What would I do without the identity I had developed over the past four years? I had to find something else to be passionate about and that I would enjoy studying that was not Robotics or Mechanical Engineering. With a lot of support from my friends and family I realized that all along I enjoyed the movement of objects, not necessarily robotic objects, but human movement.

After dealing with my identity crisis in first year and transferring into Kinesiology I was finally getting my feet on the ground and I began to feel like myself again. I loved my classes, and found that I was excited to learn again. Unfortunately, I received devastating news of the passing of a very close family member right before my finals in December 2012 - the first half of my second year. Even though I tried to put up a strong front, this death affected me. Not soon after, in September 2013, my grandfather passed away from cancer. I was very close to my grandfather and although he had been battling cancer for a number of years I was still shocked and heartbroken. In that same month my father had heart surgery, which also took a toll on my schooling. And regrettably my father required a second heart surgery in November 2013. I did all that I could to focus on my schoolwork. Ultimately maybe I should have let myself heal from all of those traumatic experiences, but my education is very important to me and I knew if I could get through all this I would emerge a stronger and better person.

Through the tough times I strived to keep a smile on my face and a positive outlook on life. Looking back at my life, I realized that if I didn’t go through the tough times I wouldn’t be who I am today. The tough times made me realize how beautiful life is and how one smile can make a massive impact on someone’s day.

If I could pinpoint a specific time that made my passion for medicine grow it would have to be during the year 2013 when I had multiple stressors in my life. That was when I came to the conclusion that there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to pursue a career in medicine. If I could alleviate someone’s pain, or brighten someone’s day and be lucky enough to call that my job I would never have to work a day in my life."

- Jen

My mom and grandma visited me today :)

I'm Still Kicking!

Hey friends!

I know it's been a while and I'm so sorry for taking FOREVER to write up a new post. Honestly I just haven't really had any inspiration to write. The last thing I want to do is to write up a blog post and have it not be genuine. I started this blog to just help out others the way I was helped throughout this whole medical school journey so the last thing I wanted was to be posting emotions I don't genuinely feel while I'm here. Today I got that inspiration back.

We had our very first community clinic today. For those of you who don't know what it is, we go out in small groups to different villages in Dominica and perform a medical history and physical exam on a REAL PATIENT. This is done all on our own (with our junior faculty watching us to make sure we are performing our skills correctly) but we run the whole interview and physical exam on a patient who is experiencing actual symptoms and are dealing with an actual disease.

A group of colleagues and I went to a village about 30 minutes from our town thinking we were going to see two patients in the clinic but once we arrived we quickly realized the clinic had actually planned two home visits for us. As nervous as I was I was kind of excited to see what a home visit was actually like. So, we had a quick drive over to our patients house and then it was my colleagues and my show. We were greeted by a very friendly gentleman who welcomed us into his home with open arms and was ready for us to learn and to use him as a learning tool. As I sat there and spoke to the patient I realized how lucky I am to have my health and to be aware of any health concerns I could face (i.e. caffeine withdrawal). This gentleman was speaking to my colleague and I about his condition and how at first he had no idea what any of his diagnoses meant. It took him several years before actually realizing that what he is suffering from will not end well if not treated properly. This whole process of interview and physical exam took approximately an hour and I couldn't have been more grateful for the whole experience. The fact that this gentleman is suffering from several diseases and is still so happy, friendly and so willing to help students improve their medical knowledge makes my heart so warm.

This made me think about how fortunate we are back at home to have a significant amount of patient education and support groups to help patients as they go through any diseases they may be suffering from. As well as being so incredibly grateful to be able to go on this amazing, yet sometimes frustrating, journey to become a doctor. When we walk into a room we are the person in charge of this persons health and they look up to us for that. It shouldn't be taken lightly but also not to the other extreme of an overwhelming amount of pressure. I always find myself on the latter, putting too much pressure on myself to know everything and getting frustrated when I don't. A good friend of mine left me with this message and I'm going to leave it here for all of you...

"You diagnose your patient with your mind and not your heart, so study with your mind and not your heart. Your mind will save your patient. Your heart will comfort them."

- Jen

Just Keep Building

Hello Friends!

Quick turn around for another post from me but I’ve got some inspiration for some more writing/procrastinating.

I got some pretty exciting news yesterday and I’ll officially post it on this blog - but I’ve been asked to be the Prime Minister (President) for the Canadian Students Society! Words can’t even describe how excited and happy I am to be able to take a leadership role in this club and work along side some of my amazing friends.

I'd just like to take a moment and reflect as to why I'm so grateful not only for the Canadian Students Society but for being in medical school and living out my dream of becoming a Doctor.

In high school I was a very active student member. Coming from a smaller all girls high school it was very easy to get involved in the school community. I did plays, ran the robotics team, was selected to be a prefect, was on the May Court, helped out with school events... You get the drift.

For various reasons everything changed in my undergrad. I wasn't involved in any clubs let alone never dreamt about taking a leadership role in any aspect of my time there. Just to clarify, it had nothing to do with the school itself. The Applied Health Sciences Faculty was amazing - the smallest faculty on campus - we had a very home like feel to all of our events and throughout all of our buildings.

My confidence was stripped. I isolated myself. I didn't think I could be a part of a team and I didn't want to be. I didn't think I could be a leader, not in a group project let alone in a club.

For various reasons, I wasn’t the same active student body member that I was before. My friends who knew me from high school noticed the shift and honestly there was nothing anyone could really do to bring my confidence back up to where it was before. It was hard, going from being someone who was so actively involved to someone who went to classes and labs and that was it. No extra curriculars, no clubs, no teams - nothing. Until I found a volunteering position working with cancer patients that made me want to get more involved. Mind you at this point joining anything was a big deal for me. And I will be forever thankful to all of my patients at Well Fit, as much as you say I helped you, you helped to shape me into the future doctor I am today.

I was thinking about my 18/19 year old self and how she would react if I told her that she would be in medical school, and she would be loving it. She would gain her confidence to take on leadership roles again and most importantly she would be genuinely happy.

The thought brought me to tears.

I asked a lot of friends whether I should post this more personal blog and I got a resounding yes. Then I realized how happy an 18/19 year old Jen would be if she read something like this when she wasn't feeling her best.

For anyone who may be thinking about applying to medical school but is doubting themselves or doesn’t believe that they can do it - if you want it badly enough you will do it. And you will succeed. Once you start doing what you love the confidence and the happiness just falls into place.

- Jen

Never Going To Be A First Semester Medical Student Again

Hello friends!

I'm writing this after one full day of relaxation after my final for first semester. It still feels so surreal that I've completed 15 weeks of intense medical school. I feel like I've only been here for one month and it's crazy to look back at all of the information I got into my brain in 15 weeks.

It's been one heck of a ride so far. I feel like I've been challenged mentally, emotionally and physically (try sitting at a desk for 14+ hours a day - you'll know what I mean). There were times this semester where I wondered if I was going to get through it. I would get home after a long day of studying and wonder if this was really for me.

I'd lay down in bed and think about the people I've met and the various experiences I've had and I realized that I am meant to be here. I'm meant to go through every trial and tribulation in order to get to do what I've been dreaming of doing for years. Then I realize it's not a matter of dreaming any more - it's just doing what I need to do to accomplish my goals.

Every time a professor says, "You are a physician in training" I get shivers up and down my spine.

Every.time.

Going through one semester of medical school has made me appreciate and respect Physicians more than I already do. They've all experienced the same things us current medical students are experiencing. Long days turning into nights, never ending information, frustration, tears, caffeine overload and total exhaustion.

But there's not a day I wake up not knowing that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. And what I love about my friends and classmates at Ross is that they all think the same thing.

Becoming a Physician is their dream and they are not about to give up. They don't realize how much they inspire me and push me to be a better student and person on a daily basis.

I'm back home tomorrow! So I'm off to pack!

Jen

Post exam day relaxation!

If I'm not in the library I'm on the beach

Post exam dinner

This sneaky cutie wanted my sub

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

Hi friends!

Just thought I’d throw in a blog post before I go into an intense month filled with exams, finals, practical’s and classes. If you want to know what I’ve been up to – I’ve just been studying away in my cubicle in the library. I will take some time off and enjoy the outdoors (the beach) or go for a work out.

The reason I’m writing this blog post is to thank all of the beautiful people I have in my life.

For those of you who don’t know my father is going in for a third heart catheterization on Monday and it’s been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me. But there is no way I could be where I am mentally without the amazing friends I have in my life both on and off the island. From the moment I found out that my dad was going to have to go in for another surgery I have received nothing but total love and support from everyone around me. From a hug, to a “I’ll send prayers to him”, to a smile, to any other kind words that have come out of my friends mouths I just want you all to know how grateful I am to have you all in my life.

There is nowhere I’d rather be than at home with my family but being here is the second best place I could be. I could have never imagined the support and family like vibes I would receive here (after only a month). But it brings me to tears… I’m trying to hold mine back as I write this in the library.

After going through all of this and being on the receiving end of such kindness, it really solidified to me that a smile can make a persons day. You never know what people may be going through in their personal life. I always try to keep a smile on my face and share kind words with friends and acquaintances but I am making sure that no matter how stressed out or frustrated I am – I will always share a smile, or a hug with my friends around me.

There is no way you can get through this program alone. Use your friends for support, guidance and love. They’re not family – but they’re the closest you’ve got to it on the island.

Love you all,

Jen