Thankful

Hi my friends!

I'm halfway done my Pediatrics rotation and am currently in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) part of my rotation. The attendings I've been working with are so incredibly knowledgable and patient with me while I try to learn about Neonates.

I started noticing myself playing the dreadful "what if" game again with myself. I started comparing my journey and experience with others - and I thought to myself "Okay, if I'm doing this I'm sure others are as well" so here I am writing a blog post about it!

FIRST OF ALL, if you are reading this and you are in the medical field I wanted to say congratulations to you for choosing this path. From my very limited experience it is very rewarding but also extremely challenging. And no matter what part of your journey you are on I applaud you.

Now for some feelings I have directly towards my peers in MS3 - I know we spend all day with one another in the same hospital but in different rotations. I can almost guarantee we've all had the thought "I wish my rotation schedule was more like ____" or "I wish I had _______ attending".

I'd be lying if I said those thoughts never crossed my mind, they have, and I'll be the first to admit it.

BUT

After several different discussions I've had in the hospital with patients, nurses, residents, attendings and other students I've started to realize how thankful and lucky I am to even be on this journey. Not everyone is lucky enough to go to undergrad, get accepted to MERP, get accepted to medical school, go to medical school on a foreign island, (this felt weird to type) be fortunate enough to even write step one, rotate in a hospital, match into a program and eventually become an attending.

Some people may dream of it but are unable to attain it for whatever reason. Coming to the realization that I am lucky to be able to wake up early in the morning to go to the hospital to learn and then come home tired but still push through and study for upcoming exams has really helped my fatigued brain.

Suddenly when I've started just being thankful for being in medicine the comparisons I'd been making previously stopped - and I just wanted to experience the rotation in whatever order it had been given to me.

ANYWAYS, I need to stop procrastinating and start going through UWorld again.

- Jen

Rotation One Done

Friends!

I just finished my family medicine rotation! To say I enjoyed it would be an understatement. I’ve known I belong in primary care for a long time. I’ve always enjoyed sitting with people and learning more about them and how I could help them. After going through this rotation I’ve grown to appreciate and respect the job of a primary care doctor more than I ever did before. They can be a patients voice, their shoulder to cry on, their sounding board, their confidant, a friendly face, the only stable portion of a persons life and so much more. The role of a general practitioner has been made to be someone who just writes referrals out and moves onto another patient. After this rotation I can assure you they are so much more than that. I’ve had the opportunity to work with some of the most amazing doctors who love and care for their patients more than I can begin to describe. They came in every day with a smile on their face ready to absorb any pain or suffering their patients were going through. They guided their patients through the medical system, trying to make sense of the complexities of it.

I’ve honestly loved working with the patient population I’ve seen at my clinics and within the hospital. I have learned so much in a few short 6 weeks - I’m excited to see what I will continue to learn and grow through during my next rotation.

As I’m sure you’ve all seen through my blog so far - Medicine is tough. I’ve only known the academic aspect of it and boy that was something. Being on the other side and learning about the clinical side of medicine makes me realize how seemingly “easy” the academics were.

*anyone in the basic sciences reading this probably having serious palpitations right now trust me it’s worth it*

The learning curve is steep - trying to grab my book knowledge, multiple choice question answering brain and let it grow to allow me to see the diseases and pathology in front of me (still trying to figure it out). All while trying to learn a new location, with new people a WHOLE new environment. I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I thought, “How am I going to make it through this?” multiple times a day.

Guys, somehow... even when you think you can’t make it through it, you always do.

- Jen

IMF

Friends!

I had been planning on blogging once I settled in here but that hasn't happened yet. It's a VERY DIFFERENT busy than studying for boards. I feel like I'm constantly on the move and quite honestly I've been finding it difficult to get into a rhythm. I'm normally the kind of person who can get into a schedule pretty quickly but with our continuously changing schedule that's been pretty tough for me here.

Basically my week looks like 2 days in the clinic interviewing and doing physical exams on patients, 2 days on campus for simulations, OSCES, and skills labs and one day of lectures. This past weekend we were trained in ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) and BLS (basic life support) and this coming weekend we have PALS (Pediatric advanced life support).

I have also found out where I am doing my core rotations...

...and...

I'LL BE IN NEW YORK!

I was hoping to not have to deal with another winter (I am not a fan) BUT I am excited to be close to home again and be able to experience the city! I'll be starting my cores with Family Medicine so I am a little nervous since I've been told that's the most difficult shelf exam but I'm trying to keep an open mind.

Although starting in the hospitals means beginning a brand new learning curve, I am excited to begin and do what every medical student went into medicine for - to help patients.

With beginning a brand new part of my medical school journey the dreaded imposter syndrome has been sneaking up on me again - wondering if I'm actually good enough for this, whether medicine is right for me, am I even smart enough to be going into clinicals?

I'd be lying if I wrote to all of you that I have no fears going into core rotations. I am just as nervous as I was when I was leaving to go to Dominica. But there was one important thing I learned from all of those tears I cried before I went to medical school on an island...

Any time you feel the most uncomfortable and the most nervous you're about to have the most personal growth.

Looking back I was SO SCARED to go to medical school in Dominica but I can say with 100% certainty I would not be even close to the person I am today without all of the experiences I had on the island.

- Jen

MS3

Friends!

Long time no post!!! I've been waiting to post and finally share that I have closed the door on MS2 and am moving forward to MS3!

I think this is the year that all medical students dream about. Finally getting into the hospital, being done with Step One, interacting with real patients with real problems and really diving into medicine.

Since writing Step I've been running around trying to get my life organized and finish all of my pre hospital health check ups along with organizing my life into two suitcases before I head off to IMF.

I've slowly been updating my professional attire since, let's be real, I've been living in leggings and tank tops for the past year.

What is IMF you may be wondering? Well my school has a six week program called the Internal Medicine Foundations that we must complete before starting our core rotations. The simplest explanation is it's a pre-clinical bootcamp... we get to work on and perfect our patient encounters, practical skills (scrubbing in, IV lines, physical exams), SOAP (Subjective, Objective, Assessment, Plan) notes and History and Physical Exam notes. Even though I haven't started yet, I am very thankful that my school has this since it allows us to brush up our skills before we're in the hospital on our rotations (I know my first few interviews/physical exams aren't going to be the smoothest).

After six weeks of IMF we begin our core rotations (one year) which consist of Family Medicine, Surgery, Internal Medicine, Ob/Gyn, Pediatrics and Psychiatry.

Also, I've been looking at all of the different resources available for core rotations and it's been VERY overwhelming!

I'm planning on keeping you all updated throughout this part of my medical journey as well - what resources I've used and my experiences along the way. If there's anything in particular you want me to write about please let me know.

AND THANK YOU, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, for joining me on this journey.

- Jen

An Open Letter To My Friends & Family

For those of you who are friends or family this letter is for you,

I wanted to say thank you for trying to understand what I've been going through while in medical school. I know it's kind of complex and I tend to have to explain the journey multiple times but don't apologize for asking me to explain it to you 'one more time'. It's tough to follow! Sometimes I don't even know the answers to your questions and I have to look them up myself.

I know I've been here, but not really here. Home, but not really home. Textbooks and question banks have taken over my life. I used to be so great at responding to text messages and remembering special events but all of those have been slipping my mind. Trust me, when I do remember them I feel HORRIBLE about forgetting about them on their proper day.

Thankfully, every time I do pop up from my little study hole and apologize for taking ages to respond you always understand and tell me not to worry. You don't even realize how much that means to me.

I can't even describe how much I wish I could go to all of the birthday parties, get togethers and events but studying has consumed my life right now.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD FOR ME.

I made the decision to go into medical school and go through the rigorous training to become a Doctor. I knew there would be some social sacrifices that would come along with it. I fully accept that - but because of that little internal "Doctor" instinct of wanting to be there for everyone, I know I have to be selfish.

I guess a part of me wants to apologize for putting you through this too - because we are going on this journey together.

You help keep my sanity. You help when I'm stressed. You help when I've had a horrible study day. You help to lighten my mood when a test is coming up. You remind me that I am supposed to be here. You tell me I will be a great Doctor one day.


Even though you attribute this to "just being a good friend" know to me it means so much more than that. I wouldn't be where I am today without you so any of my wins are just as much yours.

Thank you for joining me on this wild ride. I promise to keep the good stories coming,

Jen

Motivation

Hey friends!

I am back for another post! Quick turn around I know. I've surprised myself too.

I've been asked this question and I've seen this question floating around the internet for the longest time now and I figured - WHY NOT SHARE MY TWO CENTS ON MY BLOG!

The question on everyone's mind every hour of every.single.day. "How do I stay motivated?"

Thinking about it - that's a pretty darn good question that quite honestly I don't think I even have the answer to. Do you want to know why?

I don't rely on motivation.

I can already imagine what is going through your mind right now... what do you mean you don't rely on motivation? Are you crazy? What planet do you live on? How did you make it through two years of med school not relying on motivation?

My answer to you is simple. I rely on dedication.

If we were to only look at the definition of the two words:

"Motivation: Desire or willingness to do something; enthusiasm."

https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/motivation

"Dedication: If you say that someone has dedicated themselves to something, you approve of the fact that they have decided to give a lot of time and effort to it because they think that it is important."

https://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/dedicate

Based on my understanding and interpretation of these definitions, motivation comes and goes while dedication is more permanent. So why would I rely on something that changes based on the day?

Do I wake up every single morning fully motivated to study and learn as much as I can? Honestly no. Some days I wake up and I just soak up all of the information I am reading that day. Other days I wake up and I'm lucky if I make it through one chapter.

On those hard days where my motivation is a big fat zero am I still fully dedicated to become a doctor? Heck yeah I am! That will always be the dream even if I am having a very non-motivational day.

I've found now that I've been attempting to change my mindset from relying on motivation to relying on my dedication I haven't been getting as frustrated with myself on those days my motivation has been a little low.

Show up. Every day. Be dedicated to your goal. Motivation will come and go. Stay true to your course.

- Jen

It Takes a Village

Hi my friends!

Just thought I'd do a little update and share some wisdom I've learned over the past few months.

So for those of you who have been reading my blogs or looking at my social media this may be redundant, but for any new faces around here I've been going through the hardest four months of my life. I've been studying for boards, my grandmother passed away suddenly and my father was diagnosed with cancer... again.

I didn't come on here to write some sob story about how difficult my life is right now hoping whoever reads this feels sorry for me.

I came on here to talk about getting through this journey we call medical school and life. Medical school is hard enough as it is but add life into the mix and you have a whole new ball game. It's tiring mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically - it's a lot. Not only being in medical school is hard but getting into medical school is tough too.

I know there is no magic formula that anyone can tell you that will guarantee that you will get into medical school. BUT I do know one thing that will make you last through your pre med and medical years.

A support system.

I don't want to admit the amount of times I've messaged my friends over the past 2 years saying "That's it I'm done. I don't think I can do this". From my undergrad, to MERP to the island to now.

You know who has brought me back up every one of those times? My friends and family.

I've found that my friends in medical school and from back home has been so very helpful to me in so many different ways. Everyone in medical school is going through the same experiences. They can relate to the obstacles that I'm going through right now. Compared to my friends who are not in medical school, they always show me how to look at my situation from a different perspective. Ways I'd never look at these issues before.

I know it is so easy to lock yourself up in your room and study your life away because your stress levels are so high (I've been there and done that). After a while that gets lonely and isolating and you start to feel disconnected from the world.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is if you're frustrated or having a bad day you should never feel bad messaging a friend or family member to talk about it. I know that is the only way I've gotten to this point in one piece.

I've utilized my friends and family more days than not during my schooling and they always help. Whether it's a new perspective, a calming influence, a "I feel you man" or one medical students are VERY GOOD at doing for others but not themselves - giving you confidence.

No one goes through this journey alone. Behind every successful doctor and student is a village of people who have supported them and helped them get there.

- Jen

Fault vs Responsibility

Hi my friends!

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you for a while - I've been super busy with both my personal life and my academic life.

There's been a lot of stuff going on with me for the past little bit so I'll just catch you guys up!

As you all may know my grandmother passed away in the middle of May very suddenly which was a pretty eye opening and horribly sad experience. Now to add to that my dad has been recently diagnosed with Collecting Duct Renal Cell Carcinoma.

To save you the trouble from googling it, it's a rare and aggressive kidney cancer. Thankfully his family physician has caught it relatively early and he is going in to have his kidney removed this week.

Am I writing this because I want you to feel sorry for me? NO

Am I writing this because I want you to feel like my struggle is worse than others? NO

Some of you may be wondering why I'm sharing all this information? Why am I writing a blog post about this?

To keep it real with anyone reading.

Life happens. People get sick. Unfortunate things happen all the time. It may suck right now and it may not be fair right now and you may feel like the world is against you.

I recently read "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***", and a statement that the author made really stuck with me. I'm just going to try to paraphrase it and if you want to know more about it I HIGHLY suggest you read this book.

Basically there is a difference between "fault" and "responsibility". Generally we use those words simultaneously or tend to use them together but they are actually very different. Fault it from choices already made and responsibility results from choices that you're making right now.

For example (in my own situation) it's not my FAULT that my dad has cancer but the way I act/respond since he has cancer is my RESPONSIBILITY.

So needless to say it's been a busy time since I've posted on here and I've had some pretty stressful days and nights... but so has everyone else.

We all just need to notice the difference between fault and responsibility.

- Jen

The Last Hoorah

My internet family!

I just found out today I have passed the island portion of my lifelong journey of medicine. I had to recheck multiple times before I would actually believe it... BUT I DID IT!

I want to start this off by sending a huge congratulations to all of my classmates who went through this amazing journey with me. You all did it and you should be so proud of your accomplishments! I can't wait to rotate in hospitals with you.

I thought since I've been on the island for 16 months I'd give you guys 16 things I've learned while on island:

1. How to live without running (clean) water and other luxuries of home
I remember my first week on island, I was so shell shocked about being here. Dominica was nothing like home. You didn't have a Wal-Mart down the street or grocery stores on every corner. It was a developing country. I didn't know what to expect when I left my sweet comfort zone I called home but when I got to Dominica I realized what I was in for. At first it was weird filling up your water at a filling station but over time you got used to it. You got used to the low water pressure at certain times of the day and just worked your way around it (I am now a morning shower person), or when you turned your tap on that one time late at night and nothing came out. Since then I always have an extra water bottle for brushing my teeth.

2. 8 straight hours of sleep is a luxury
At home I'm used to sleeping in relatively quiet areas, aka the suburbs, so coming to Dominica and hearing bugs all night, and waves, and motorcycles was something to get used to INITIALLY. Then the semester starts... and all of a sudden you notice yourself telling yourself "one more hour... I'll be okay". Then you start calculating how long you'll be asleep if you fall asleep RIGHT NOW.

3. Simple things become difficult
I find this point partially embarrassing but it's true. I have lost the ability to do some simple tasks or utilize the English language. The amount of times I've tried to order something on campus and I stand there pointing to food at a total loss of what this item is actually called. It ALWAYS happens to me with pepper jack cheese. Recently I've been leaving the tap running and walking away...

4. Dominica is NOT the Dominican Republic
I confused this the first few months after I applied

5. There is a reason people in the Caribbean leave the Caribbean in the summer
It gets HOT here in the summer. I mean your skin feels like it's melting off hot. For our summer semester I would leave my house an hour earlier in the morning and an hour later at night to make sure I didn't melt. I would also take multiple showers a day and drink loads of water and STILL managed to get dehydrated.

6. No amount of coffee is enough coffee
If you know me you know this is a life motto of mine. It does get scary though when you drink a lot of coffee/energy drinks/caffeine pills and you still yawn as if you've never slept before. I've been working on keeping my caffeine levels low unless a mini or final is coming up and I 150% recommend doing that.

7. When it rains it pours
I mean that literally. Don't EVER leave your umbrella at home. It could look like a nice innocent sunny day, but I promise you as soon as you leave your house the weather gods sense you left the umbrella at home and they will make it pour... for the rest of the day.

8. Don't forget sunscreen
Again you may think "I'll be outside for less than an hour in the middle of the day I'll be good!" WRONG. If you are fair skinned like me trust me you will burn, and you will peel and it will be the most uncomfortable burn of your life. The sun down here is strong.

9. Nothing is better than a sunrise or sunset
If you've looked at my Instagram you will see MANY sunsets, and if you go through my phone you will find countless more. There's something about watching the sun set and hearing the waves hitting the beach that can make any amount of stress go away (even if it's for just a minute).

10. Island time is a real thing
Your landlord tells you 10:30, or laundry is supposed to arrive at 9... add on about 30 mins (on a good day) and that's the approximate time that your appointment will actually happen. At first this is kind of odd to get used to but by the end of the first or second month it's just the normal.

11. Not doing anything is a very guilty feeling
You will see after about a month into medical school, you're always doing something. Organizing notes, scarfing food down, writing notes, watching lecture, walking somewhere, going to lab, working on clinical skills... it's always go, go, go and all you want to do is to sit and relax. When you do get that day to sit and do nothing you feel guilty and weird... like you should be doing something. Every time I go home my parents always tell me to sit and chill SORRY NOT IN MY VOCABULARY ANYMORE.

12. Missing family events suck
Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Canada Day, Fourth of July... never gets easier. I always get the FaceTime call in followed by the "woah you look tired"... thanks guys... and being shown the yummy food and just being with the extended family.

13. Being homesick happens... often
You're so busy while you're on the island and you have barely any time to think about anything other than school and what you're doing tomorrow for class. But when you do sit down and think (especially if you stayed on island between semesters) you really start to miss your concrete jungles back home. Remember that traffic you used to despise? You kind of miss sitting in it. Those obnoxious honks from cars speeding by? You miss it. Starbucks... you miss it... a lot.

14. Missing food you never missed is normal
When I lived back at home did I ever crave any type of fast food? NEVER! A salad? NO WAY! On island... every day. Being in a smaller town is great because you don't have many distractions but it also means you see the same restaurants every day. When you first come on island that Chinese place down the street may be the best! Two months in you never want to see chicken fried rice ever again.

15. Your family may be far away but your friends will fill that void
This runs closely with lesson 12... even though you miss family events with your family back home you get to spend them with what I like to call them my "Island Tribe". What is also sad about this lesson is that you only get to spend these events with this island tribe on Dominica once. That's right one time. Unless you're lucky and you get your birthday on island two times. As difficult as it is to not be with your family for those special days - your island tribe will always come to save the day when you're feeling some serious home-sickness.

16. Self love is the best love
Medical school is tough stuff. It's no walk in the park and if someone says it is they're a liar. You have to push yourself harder than you've ever pushed yourself in your entire life. Sometimes it pays off. Sometimes it's as if you never studied. It happens to every single one of us. It's hard to realize at times but you didn't get here by chance. You worked your butt off and made sacrifices in your life to get here. It may not seem like its paying off now but in the long run it is. Never EVER give up hope on your dream. If you ever need a little pick me up always feel free to shoot a message my way.

Jen

I'm Still Going!

Hi friends!

I know it's been a while since my last post - I've been so busy with my classes and clinical simulations that I've kind of neglected my little blog! Alas I'm here to write a post.

I've been struggling a little bit with keeping the motivation high and remembering why I'm going through medical school. As I've been sitting here in my own self doubt and negativity I've been scrolling through twitter, Facebook and instagram and I noticed this seems to be an ongoing thing for a decent amount of medical students right now. I don't know if it's the time of the year... something in the air... but from Ross to the US to Canada I've been seeing students struggling with motivation.

Then on my morning social media scroll I read a tweet from an account I follow and it said " Making it into and out of medical school alive are two separate things... medical school is hard, even though you get used to how hard it is". That got me to thinking and doing a little bit of reflecting - and I know I've mentioned in a previous blog post that we all need to be our own best friend before anything else.

If you look at the type of person in medical school I think I can say we all have one thing (definitely) in common. We are our own harshest critic. We all think we should push harder, study longer, read more, learn more, score higher ect ect. Whereas to people outside of medical school, (I'm talking to you my friends from back home) everyone thinks we're some type of robot who never takes time off and studies 24/7. When you take a step back and look at it - they aren't wrong. We wake up, put in 12-14 hour study days go to sleep and do it again. At first yeah it was an adjustment, then you become used to the long days, the leg cramps, the coffee shakes, the eye twitches, the aggressive yawns.

But still it's hard work!!! And even though we are used to it and call this "normal" it doesn't mean it isn't easy. It takes a toll on you mentally and physically. No matter what part of this medical journey you're on you need to think about yourself and take care of yourself. It's so easy getting caught up in studying for exam after exam then boards. There is so much to know and not enough time to learn it all. It's stressful - I'll fully admit I haven't figured out a balance for myself. I normally don't realize I'm working myself to the ground until thoughts and facts are running through my mind like crazy.

I don't have a fool proof answer to fix the medical school burn out and the self doubt, but what I do know is that you're not on this journey by accident. And you're not the first person to struggle through medical school and you definitely won't be the last. This is a difficult field to be in - but the only way you'll be able to stay in the field is if you take care of yourself first.

I have a mini coming up on Thursday so this is a stressful week coming up for me, but I'm going to try to keep the motivation and positive attitude high... I hope you do too :)

- Jen

Finding Dory in Dominica

Hello friends!

Just writing to you after my first weekend off since coming to the island! We just finished our Neurology block - we had our practical exam on Wednesday and our Mini on Friday. I think I can speak for my whole class in saying that we've been waiting for this weekend since first semester. Even though we had no classes this week it was a tough week. I find neuro very interesting but there was so much information to try and cram into our heads. After this semester I'm 100% certain we deserved this weekend off (even though it went by in the blink of an eye).

Second semester has been tough I'm not going to lie. I'm not very strong in Physiology and this is a very Physiology dense semester. I've been working my butt of to try and grasp this information as much as I possibly can (along with trying to figure out how to get more hours in my day - if anyone has an answer please let me know).

This weekend was so relaxing - but we also had a lot of fun! On Friday night we went to a Paediatrics Student Auction where my friends and I were auctioned off for 2400 EC - approximately 860 USD. We were so excited that we were able to raise that much money for a child on the island to have a heart surgery.

On Saturday we spent the afternoon Snorkelling in Cabrits National Park. It was a nice boat ride - three hours and two different reefs. The water was so blue, clear and stunning - one thing that I love so much about the island. I'd never been snorkelling before so I was so excited to finally go and cross that off my bucket list.

Today I had a nice sleep in and a brunch at my favourite breakfast place called Aunty Graces. A group of us then went to a lazy river past the airport and just enjoyed nature - admiring our Jurassic Park Island.

I still sit here in total awe of where I am studying medicine. Not only am I living out my dream of becoming a doctor but I also get to do it on a stunning island. As I've mentioned before it can be frustrating because it's not like home and we don't have the same things readily available but the island itself is so beautiful. It's very easy to get caught up in the little bubble surrounding campus and you don't even realize it but it wears you out. It's always go-go-go around here and you don't ever get much time to just relax and not do anything.

I know I surely needed this weekend to pull everything back together and regain some mental sanity. These next four weeks are going to be long and difficult but I need to keep pushing through. I always tell you guys I keep it totally honest here and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm mentally exhausted and I'm nervous for the next two blocks we have, Endocrine and Reproductive Systems. I haven't had too much exposure to either so it's going to be a larger learning curve for me. All we can really do is keep moving forward and stay positive.

Jen

Snorkelling

The Upper Deck

Food my parents sent

Sunsets

Study Day

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Tubing

One Month In

Hello friends!

I figured I'd write a post (definitely not doing this as procrastination) about one month in to my semester and let you guys know how life on the island is going.

I'm in my 2X semester, all the "X" means is I'm finishing the schooling portion of my MD in 16 months as opposed to 20. This semester, as I've been told, is very heavy in physiology which makes me a little nervous because physiology is not my strong suit. We've completed our Cardiovascular 1 and are finishing up our Respiratory 1 before our first Mini on Tuesday. So far we've had all physiology classes except for 4 lectures so there's been a lot of information thrown our way.

In second we also have ICM (clinical skills) and SGL's. The ICM's are hour long sessions where we learn how to perform various tests done during a physical exam. At the end of the semester we're going to be tested during a practical exam. SGL's are essentially case studies done in a small group. You spend one hour with a patient interviewing them and learning about their clinical case. The next hour is spent discussing with your group and then everyone is delegated a different aspect of the case to do research on before their next meeting. I have my first one tomorrow and I'm pretty nervous/excited to see how it will go.

As always school is a whirlwind of emotions. Some days I wake up and I wonder if I'll ever become a doctor, or if I'm in too far over my head and maybe this isn't for me. Those days are hard to get through, lectures seem so much longer, the material seems so much drier, I miss home so much more. I've experienced how straining this is mentally. I've never been so challenged academically and emotionally in my life. It seems so easy to give up. Go back home and figure life out. But then I have my island family who always manages to make the bad days better. They talk me out of my funk and remind me all of the reasons I fought to get here in the first place.

When it gets difficult, and it always does, I try to remember why I want this so badly. Why I'd make myself go through 14 hour days, barely any sleep, coffee as a lifeline... and I know, I know that once I get through medical school, get my MD, get through residency and become an attending I will never have to work a day in my life. Sure everything leading up to that attending position seems like it could be a deterrent - but honestly - there's nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time.

Jen

I love these crazy Canadian MERP-ers

Obsessed with sunsets

I can't help myself

Before CVS examination

My Hardest Life Lessons Exposed

Friends!

I went into my social media group of friends (twitter) and I asked for an idea about a blog post topic. I was given the idea to write about 5 things that were standing in my way and how I overcame them.

So here we go...

1. People who didn't believe in me

• I've got a list - I'm not going to go through it because that would be a waste of my time. Before I was very concerned with what other people thought of me. I had to make a change (see struggle 3) and not worry myself with what people who don't even matter in my life think. 

This one people may think is odd but it's the truth

2. School

• It's tough - and while you're going through schooling it feels like it is never going to end. I found it's difficult to get through it until you've figured out how YOU study best and how YOU destress the best. It really took me until third year to figure that one out.

3. Personal demons

• I'm just going to come outright and say it - I dealt with a bout of depression in my first year of university. I won't get into the details in this post but during that time I learnt about how important a good support system is - especially when you're going through a tough time.

4. A boyfriend/girlfriend should never be your life

• I know it's easy (from past experience) to fully dive into a relationship. An important thing to remember is that you still need to be yourself - and take care of yourself. It's important to be invested in your relationship but not so much so that it takes away from your own life.

5.  It's okay to open up

• Although this one may be hard to understand I have always had issues with trusting people and opening up. I may be outgoing and I may love to talk (and never stop) but I've had to learn to let people in and confide in them when I'm going through a hard time (re: struggle 3).

There you have it - my toughest life lessons.

Hope you enjoyed this post.

- Jen

My Friends

I was in the middle of writing cue cards for one of my classes and I came to the realization that I need to write a post to all of my friends.

Over the past few years while I've been slaving away under miles of textbooks I've had the most supportive friends in the world. They all dealt with me being a pain in the butt while I studied trying to accomplish my goals.

They always leant me a shoulder to cry on when my stress levels got too high, an ear to listen when I got frustrated, and a load of positive, supportive energy to feed off of. 

Over the past few weeks, as I've been prepping my applications, the amount of messages I have gotten from my friends has been overwhelming. All saying that my hard work has paid off and they knew I could do it. They've all brought me to tears.

I'd like to say to my friends... this your accomplishment as much as it is mine. You're all heaven sent, and the best friends a girl could ever ask for. I wouldn't be where I am without all of you. I hope all of your dreams come true because all of you are phenomenal human beings.

Lots of love,

Jen xo

Today is the big 21!

Hello all!

Today is my 21st birthday and unfortunately I'm spending it studying for my finals this weekend. This isn't just me posting about it being my birthday I've actually felt pretty humbled with the birthday wishes I've gotten and I figured I'd write a little post about it.

I went through a phase where all I was really concerned about was myself and my issues. Don't get me wrong I still was kind and friendly but I wasn't as helpful as I am now. All I thought about were things wrong in my life, and trying to fix them. I still had friends, I'm a pretty social girl, but I just felt that some part of me was missing.

Over the past year and a bit I have reignited that little flame that went missing and I'm the full throttle me again. I always make sure I am available for my friends, whether they need a laugh, help with homework, a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen… you can name anything and I will do it for my friends. I feel like opening myself up like this and basically putting my heart on my sleeve for my friends has really strengthened my relationship with them. It's a good feeling to know that you're the one they want to call when they have an issue, or a funny story to tell.

I think thats the sole reason I want to be a doctor. I love working with people and being around people, but I thrive in situations where I know I can help someone. Physically, emotionally, psychologically and any other ways you can think.

So I guess this post goes out to all of my beautiful friends who have brought the real Jen back! They all are such an inspiration to me and people like them make me want to be the best person I can be. They've been there for me through so many ups and downs and I couldn't be where I am today without all of their support.

I truly have the best friends in the world and I hope they all realize how special they really are.

- Jen

Keep on Smiling

I know I'm supposed to be studying for my MCAT but this story was too touching to not tell.

I came back from drinks last night and walked into my building, smiling and saying good evening to the security guard as usual. He responded but also asked me to come over to his desk. I walked over and we started to talk. Little did I know I was about to have a life changing discussion.

He told me "You always greet me and say hello with the most beautiful smile, it can't help but put me in a good mood. Your happiness is very contagious. I can never tell if you're in a bad mood because even if you are you always smile and greet me the same. I wanted to tell you I really appreciate that."

I was a little shocked because I didn't think it was noticeable but I proceeded to say thank you. He then told me that a little over 2 years ago he was paralyzed and was unable to walk or eat. It was nothing of his own doing, when he was at the hospital he was mistaken for another patient and they gave him a shot which ended up paralyzing him. He had to learn to walk and talk all over again. It ended up stopping him from continuing his dream of 30 years of being a hairdresser. Again, I was shocked since if you were to look at him you would never guess that he was paralyzed.

The only way he got through that traumatizing time was being positive. He told me that I remind him of the positivity he tries to incorporate into his life. I was still standing there in disbelief since this was a lot of information to take in. He continued talking.

"I started off going to Purdue for university but because of personal problems I wasn't able to continue. I then fell in love with hairdressing. I opened up two salons and made a pretty good living. I was bringing in 7000-10,000 a week, " Wasn't too sure how I was still standing at this point. "I was really good at it. People would fly me all over the world to do hair for business meetings and movies. I've been everywhere, Asia, Europe you name it. I'm good friends with many different celebrities, we would all party together and get so drunk I wouldn't even know how I got home. But I would still open my salon at 8 am even if I was out until 5."

He proceeded to show me pictures of all of his celebrity friends from all over the world. I would have never guessed my security guard was so well known and famous. It really hit home that you should never judge anyone based on their looks or the job they're holding. You NEVER know what they've been through to get where they are now. Not only do I feel like I've made a new friend but I am grateful that I have made an impact, though small, on this mans life.

No matter how horrible your day may seem someone else could be having a worse day. Keep a smile on your face and stay positive. Positive thinking goes a long way, I learnt that last night.

Hope you enjoyed my story,

Jen