Intern in a Pandemic

Hi friends!

I haven't posted in a while but with COVID happening and trying to prepare for moving and residency. I honestly wasn't too sure what I was going to do with this blog once I finished medical school.

Maybe I'll blog about starting residency in the middle of a pandemic?

So here I go! Let me just back track. I finished my last elective at the end of February a mere 2 weeks before COVID shut down the country. I was supposed to go on a cruise to Hawaii with my mom and grandma which obviously was cancelled. I had plans to catch up and see friends I haven't been able to see since starting medical school which didn't happen. I was at home waiting for COVID to pass. I was heartbroken but also guilty?

I knew there were people who had it worse than I did and were going through tougher times than I was but I couldn't help but feel upset. To give you context, the time between finishing medical school and starting residency med students generally travel since we have no obligations for a few months before starting residency. For most of us it is the longest time we have off between college and medical school and residency is a marathon 3-5 years with limited vacation.

Being a Canadian moving to the South I was planning on renting a Uhaul and driving down with my dad but because of the border crossing being closed to everyone except essential workers I would have to do the drive alone... which I couldn't do. Plans changed again... I'd be getting a shipping container and sending large items in there and I would fly down with three suitcases in tow. Moving to a brand new state not knowing ANYONE was quite the experience. I had to build all my furniture alone, figure out my SSN (which was an adventure and a long story), rent a car, learn the area all by myself.

All while still feeling guilty.

Fast forward to orientation, my program had us present on campus but all separated by discipline so I was able to meet my co-interns and spend time with them but other programs had their orientation virtually. It made it hard to actually get to know your co-interns.

There were no resident bonding get togethers, hanging out and meeting the senior residents, it was just orientation and then starting to work in the hospital. We can't afford to get COVID and have to call out sick.

I think isolating is the best word to describe how starting has felt. I have met some of my senior residents in clinic which has been wonderful since everyone is so friendly and helpful. But building those relationships outside of the hospital and bonding in a more relaxed setting is what's missing and it's heart breaking.

This is how I've felt these past few months and I've just now been able to put it into words. I'm not sure if any other interns have had these same thoughts or feelings but if you have please share and know that you're not alone in those feelings.

- Jen

MS3.5

Hi Friends!

First of all just wanted to wish a HAPPY CANADIAN THANKSGIVING TO ALL MY CANADIAN FRIENDS AND FAMILY!

Secondly, sorry I've kind of fallen off the blogging bandwagon for the last while! Third year is no joke - work and studying never seem to end and the responsibility of being in the hospital and on your "A game" is tough. I can feel the burnout hitting as I've been studying since March with only a weekend between core rotations as a break.

After being stressed myself and seeing several other friends posting about Mental Health and Awareness I wanted to add my two cents into this discussion.

In my personal opinion, even though it is the most important, mental health always falls to the back burner of every students mind. Generally you don't realize you haven't been taking care of your own mental health until later on and you find yourself in your apartment or in the hospital on the verge of a breakdown. You feel like you cant do anything right - can't answer questions properly, can't suture, tie knots, write a proper note, do a proper history and physical... the list can go on forever.

*I can actually feel my heart rate increase as I type this*

In THAT very moment is when you think
"Can I even do this?
Will I pass this shelf?
Am I going to make it through third year let alone Step 2 CS/CK?
Will I even get a residency?
How am I going to pay for all this debt I'm in?"

This list can also go on for miles and can be applicable to any stage of medical training you're in.

9 times out of 10 THAT is when we realize we haven't taken care of ourselves. Haven't eaten properly, haven't seen anything other than the inside of the hospital and our apartment, have barely slept and don't even know what self-care is at that point.

Although it seems counter-intuitive taking a little bit of time out daily or weekly to do something for yourself can help tremendously with your productivity and attention.

I'm currently in OBGYN (delivering babies) and in my first rotation where we have 24 hour calls. So figuring out how to balance school with keeping myself sane has been difficult. I notice when I'm not taking care of myself I can't focus to save my life - let alone study. It's been a journey each rotation to figure out how best I work so I can balance studying, the hospital and my personal sanity.

After OBGYN I head into Surgery where I'll spend 7 weeks in Trauma Surgery and 5 weeks in subspecialties. Then into my final rotation of third year Internal Medicine!

Even though I've had my fair share of, "Can I do this?" moments I wouldn't trade 3rd year and my experiences for anything. I've been thoroughly enjoying NYC when I do get the chance to explore and the people I have met through the hospital.

Until next time,

Jen

It Takes a Village

Hi my friends!

Just thought I'd do a little update and share some wisdom I've learned over the past few months.

So for those of you who have been reading my blogs or looking at my social media this may be redundant, but for any new faces around here I've been going through the hardest four months of my life. I've been studying for boards, my grandmother passed away suddenly and my father was diagnosed with cancer... again.

I didn't come on here to write some sob story about how difficult my life is right now hoping whoever reads this feels sorry for me.

I came on here to talk about getting through this journey we call medical school and life. Medical school is hard enough as it is but add life into the mix and you have a whole new ball game. It's tiring mentally, emotionally, psychologically, physically - it's a lot. Not only being in medical school is hard but getting into medical school is tough too.

I know there is no magic formula that anyone can tell you that will guarantee that you will get into medical school. BUT I do know one thing that will make you last through your pre med and medical years.

A support system.

I don't want to admit the amount of times I've messaged my friends over the past 2 years saying "That's it I'm done. I don't think I can do this". From my undergrad, to MERP to the island to now.

You know who has brought me back up every one of those times? My friends and family.

I've found that my friends in medical school and from back home has been so very helpful to me in so many different ways. Everyone in medical school is going through the same experiences. They can relate to the obstacles that I'm going through right now. Compared to my friends who are not in medical school, they always show me how to look at my situation from a different perspective. Ways I'd never look at these issues before.

I know it is so easy to lock yourself up in your room and study your life away because your stress levels are so high (I've been there and done that). After a while that gets lonely and isolating and you start to feel disconnected from the world.

I guess what I'm really trying to say is if you're frustrated or having a bad day you should never feel bad messaging a friend or family member to talk about it. I know that is the only way I've gotten to this point in one piece.

I've utilized my friends and family more days than not during my schooling and they always help. Whether it's a new perspective, a calming influence, a "I feel you man" or one medical students are VERY GOOD at doing for others but not themselves - giving you confidence.

No one goes through this journey alone. Behind every successful doctor and student is a village of people who have supported them and helped them get there.

- Jen

Life Happens

Hello crew!

I've been home for about three weeks now and I've had lots going on in my personal life - academic wise it's been on the back burner.

After two weeks at home I had the unfortunate experience of losing my grandmother. She experienced a quite sudden death so it came as a shock to my whole family. As for me it also came with a bit of frustration because as I looked back at her care over the past few months I saw so many systems errors that could have been prevented that would have allowed my grandmother to be much more comfortable as she was passing and would have given my family much more closure as her time was coming up.

The week my grandmother ended up in the hospital, for what would be her last time, I had begun an online course to help with step prep. With everything that unfolded it wouldn't be an understatement to say that my mind was all over the place. All of my plans for studying and attacking step had flown out the window.

I was almost in a state of shock.

I just remember a wave of panic overwhelming my whole body and the thought, "Jen you cannot screw this up".

I thankfully have some amazing, beautiful friends (you know who you are) who sent loving messages daily to make me feel like I wasn't going through this alone and I would get through it.

But there was still that panic. "You have eight weeks to study for comp... you can't mess this up".

Not only was I dealing with the loss of my grandmother and the frustrations that had attached to it, but I knew I had to keep moving forward. I instantly thought back to third year university, September 2013, first week of classes when my grandfather passed away and three weeks later my dad having surgery. I thought about how I dealt with those family stresses then... and how that ended up hurting me in the long run.

I tried to act tough and pretend it never really happened. Never letting myself actually process what happened. Sure that was great at the time... but I barely got through orgo chem 1 leading me to fail orgo 2.

NOW THAT WAS ROUGH. Big huge blow to the ego. How the heck was I going to apply to medical school now that I failed orgo 2.

Flashforward 3.5 years and obviously I got through it and made it to the medical school side. Now I'm facing my "medical school application" of medical school... step one. And I do not want to make the same mistakes I made the first time I had deaths in the family. I owed it to myself to learn from my previous mistakes.

And I want you all to learn from my previous mistakes too... Life happens while you're studying. You need to learn to deal with both.

So if you have a traumatic event happen to you or someone close to you and you feel like you need to take a step back for a little to recharge and reboot then do it. Take some time and process. Trust me when I say I've tried ignoring it and it doesn't work.

I'm currently trying to take my own advice and it's hard to not get frustrated with myself when I can't stay focused.

Believe me when I say if you're dealing with something similar you aren't dealing with it alone.

- Jen

Our family before the viewing

RIP my new angel

I'm Still Going!

Hi friends!

I know it's been a while since my last post - I've been so busy with my classes and clinical simulations that I've kind of neglected my little blog! Alas I'm here to write a post.

I've been struggling a little bit with keeping the motivation high and remembering why I'm going through medical school. As I've been sitting here in my own self doubt and negativity I've been scrolling through twitter, Facebook and instagram and I noticed this seems to be an ongoing thing for a decent amount of medical students right now. I don't know if it's the time of the year... something in the air... but from Ross to the US to Canada I've been seeing students struggling with motivation.

Then on my morning social media scroll I read a tweet from an account I follow and it said " Making it into and out of medical school alive are two separate things... medical school is hard, even though you get used to how hard it is". That got me to thinking and doing a little bit of reflecting - and I know I've mentioned in a previous blog post that we all need to be our own best friend before anything else.

If you look at the type of person in medical school I think I can say we all have one thing (definitely) in common. We are our own harshest critic. We all think we should push harder, study longer, read more, learn more, score higher ect ect. Whereas to people outside of medical school, (I'm talking to you my friends from back home) everyone thinks we're some type of robot who never takes time off and studies 24/7. When you take a step back and look at it - they aren't wrong. We wake up, put in 12-14 hour study days go to sleep and do it again. At first yeah it was an adjustment, then you become used to the long days, the leg cramps, the coffee shakes, the eye twitches, the aggressive yawns.

But still it's hard work!!! And even though we are used to it and call this "normal" it doesn't mean it isn't easy. It takes a toll on you mentally and physically. No matter what part of this medical journey you're on you need to think about yourself and take care of yourself. It's so easy getting caught up in studying for exam after exam then boards. There is so much to know and not enough time to learn it all. It's stressful - I'll fully admit I haven't figured out a balance for myself. I normally don't realize I'm working myself to the ground until thoughts and facts are running through my mind like crazy.

I don't have a fool proof answer to fix the medical school burn out and the self doubt, but what I do know is that you're not on this journey by accident. And you're not the first person to struggle through medical school and you definitely won't be the last. This is a difficult field to be in - but the only way you'll be able to stay in the field is if you take care of yourself first.

I have a mini coming up on Thursday so this is a stressful week coming up for me, but I'm going to try to keep the motivation and positive attitude high... I hope you do too :)

- Jen

Finding Dory in Dominica

Hello friends!

Just writing to you after my first weekend off since coming to the island! We just finished our Neurology block - we had our practical exam on Wednesday and our Mini on Friday. I think I can speak for my whole class in saying that we've been waiting for this weekend since first semester. Even though we had no classes this week it was a tough week. I find neuro very interesting but there was so much information to try and cram into our heads. After this semester I'm 100% certain we deserved this weekend off (even though it went by in the blink of an eye).

Second semester has been tough I'm not going to lie. I'm not very strong in Physiology and this is a very Physiology dense semester. I've been working my butt of to try and grasp this information as much as I possibly can (along with trying to figure out how to get more hours in my day - if anyone has an answer please let me know).

This weekend was so relaxing - but we also had a lot of fun! On Friday night we went to a Paediatrics Student Auction where my friends and I were auctioned off for 2400 EC - approximately 860 USD. We were so excited that we were able to raise that much money for a child on the island to have a heart surgery.

On Saturday we spent the afternoon Snorkelling in Cabrits National Park. It was a nice boat ride - three hours and two different reefs. The water was so blue, clear and stunning - one thing that I love so much about the island. I'd never been snorkelling before so I was so excited to finally go and cross that off my bucket list.

Today I had a nice sleep in and a brunch at my favourite breakfast place called Aunty Graces. A group of us then went to a lazy river past the airport and just enjoyed nature - admiring our Jurassic Park Island.

I still sit here in total awe of where I am studying medicine. Not only am I living out my dream of becoming a doctor but I also get to do it on a stunning island. As I've mentioned before it can be frustrating because it's not like home and we don't have the same things readily available but the island itself is so beautiful. It's very easy to get caught up in the little bubble surrounding campus and you don't even realize it but it wears you out. It's always go-go-go around here and you don't ever get much time to just relax and not do anything.

I know I surely needed this weekend to pull everything back together and regain some mental sanity. These next four weeks are going to be long and difficult but I need to keep pushing through. I always tell you guys I keep it totally honest here and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm mentally exhausted and I'm nervous for the next two blocks we have, Endocrine and Reproductive Systems. I haven't had too much exposure to either so it's going to be a larger learning curve for me. All we can really do is keep moving forward and stay positive.

Jen

Snorkelling

The Upper Deck

Food my parents sent

Sunsets

Study Day

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Tubing

Searching For A World With 40 Hours

I've said the title of my post too many times to count in the past 12 weeks. As we get to the end of our semesters (I've got three weeks left) we have everything starting to pile up. Assignments, final projects, "midterms", presentations - you name it. As a normal student we start to burn out. We've been pushing ourselves for the earlier part of the semester and our brain is starting to go a little crazy.

I find that my time management skills always come into scrutiny at this point of the year. "How do I utilize my time properly?" I've been thinking this myself - along with crying to some friends about how stressed we were. So I have decided to do a post on time management skills.

I've asked countless profs, done research online, talked to other students and here are my top five time management techniques that work for me.

1. ALWAYS MAKE TIME TO WORK OUT
I've done a study on myself throughout undergrad and now - every time I don't work out I find it very difficult to study and my grades suffer. If working out isn't for you, then do something that will recharge your batteries and get your mind back in the game.

2. Schedule your day
I'm a very organized person. I need to plan what I'm doing that day. But I'm not saying plan to learn a whole subject if that's unattainable. Plan your day and schedule your time realistically. For example I cannot block off 4 hours straight studying and think I will get through a weeks worth of material. I know I can't sit and work on something for that long. Instead I will block hour slots with realistic tasks for me to complete in those hours.

3. Balance
I guess this goes with rule one... but it's so important I'm going to reiterate it again. Talk with family or friends, go for a walk... ect. I know after every hour I will have a five minute dance party to pull myself back together and focus again. The little breaks and time for your brain to decompress is so beneficial - rather than staring at that concept you can't figure out, have a dance party and then come back to it and look at it with a new perspective.

4. Change your study spot
I get very bored if I have the same study spot. Every once and a while switch it up! Go to a new cafe, or that library down the street. Having a different visual stimulations stops your brain from processing things redundantly and has shown to actually increase memory.

5. Sleep
I know what you're thinking. Sleep? This is a time management list... You always need to fit sleep in. Numerous studies have shown that your brain can think much more logically. So if you have that 8 am exam - don't stay up until 4 am studying. You won't be able to logically think your way through the exam or you may sleep right through it.

Hope that helps!

Jen

Fall Seven Times - Get Up Eight

Hello friends!

I've officially reached the mid point of MERP. So far I've completed seven weeks of intensive studying, coffee drinking and lack of sleeping. Those of you who have tried to talk to me, or hang out, know how difficult it is to get in touch with me now.

I remember reading that in order to succeed in medicine (or I guess anything for that matter) you must totally commit yourself to it. I don't think I've ever pushed myself this much - and been so critical on myself - in my academic career. We've been told repetitively that this program is a walk in a park compared to what the island is going to be like.

AKA

If you think it's difficult to get in touch with me now just wait until I'm living in a third world country and have gotten invested in my school work down there. I will apologize in advance.

As I have reached the middle of the semester morale has been dropping - fear and anxiety has started to set in. I'm starting to feel all of the information I've fit into my brain, the late nights trying to understand trouble topics, and reality setting in that I could be leaving to finally achieve my dreams of becoming a doctor.

I'm writing this to anyone, and to remind myself, who is going through a stressful time that all of your hard work will pay off. Sometimes it's hard to see all you have achieved when you are so fixated on something minor you cannot figure out.

Take a step back.

Look at the big picture.

Look at how far you come and how much closer you are at achieving whatever it is you want to do.

Every road is going to have speed bumps, but don't put them there yourself. Keep your head down and work hard - but also don't forget to take a step back and enjoy yourself every once and a while. Trust me from experience, nothing is more frustrating than trying to do work when you are mentally burnt out.

What are some things you guys do to boost your morale or take a break from work?

- Jen

MCAT is done!

Hey all!

I just wrote my MCAT yesterday and it was unlike any other test I've written! Still in recovery mode aka sitting on my couch watching TV shows.

If anyone has any idea for upcoming posts please feel free to send me a message and I will be happy to try and accommodate you ideas!

- Jen

Burnout

The topic for today is burnout. I know we've all experienced it… pushed ourselves too far and then we're turned into a mental mess. Once you've burnt out it take some time to recover. Everything takes so much longer because you're mentally (and physically) exhausted. Your grades won't be as high as you want them to be, assignments will take forever, you'll be making silly mistakes. I've done them all.

I know how easy it is to put off hanging out with friends, working out, going for a walk, reading a book in order to sit in your room and study or finish those 50 million assignments. Remember you need to give your brain a break! Sitting for long periods of time is actually bad for your health! It can cause lower back issues from constant spine flexion and neck pain which leads to killer headaches. Trust me, I'm in kinesiology. And I've experienced this too many times for it to be okay.

I like to work out, or go for a walk as my breaks. I feel like I'm on top of the world after a workout and I'm so much more productive (it's those endorphins at work ;) ). I know how difficult it is to actually get your butt off your chair, change out of your pyjamas and trek over to the gym; I've made up every excuse in the book to not get off my chair.

"I have way too much to do, I'm going to be wasting my time", "I don't have time for this. I have x, y, z to do" - typical excuses of mine

But I've also learnt that if I don't take care of myself that will be more detrimental and will waste more of my time than the one hour I'll be "wasting" at the gym. It will take two times longer for me to actually write a lab report or do an assignment, than if I take a break and come back to it later.

If going to the gym isn't your cup of tea then watching a favourite tv show (in moderation, no netflix binge watching), meditating, reading a book, practicing yoga, having a dance party in your room (another favourite) all work as well! As long as you're giving that poor brain of yours some well deserved rest.

So next time you're trying to decide if you need a break after you've been working for a long period of time the answer is always yes!

- Jen