Long Time No Post

Hi Friends!

I know I've kinda fallen off the face of the earth on here... not purposefully but because honestly I haven't really known what to say. I haven't figured out how to put what I want to say into words.

Do I talk about third year and how tough it was?
Do I talk about step 2?
Do I talk about fourth year?
Do I talk about applications?
Do I talk about interview season?

HONESTLY I don't really want to talk about any of them - hence why I haven't posted.

UNTIL TODAY

I realized all I want to do is reflect on this journey so far.

It has been long and tedious. I've been more exhausted than I can imagine. I've felt more homesick than I've ever felt. I've been able to live in so many exciting and new places. I've been able to see so many beautiful sights and things. I've seen things that are unimaginable. I've met with people I've never thought I'd meet. I've had experiences that not many people have experienced.

Everything I've seen/done/experienced so far have spanned from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. From the excitement of birthing a baby that a couple has been trying for for ages to the tears of a patient coming in from a trauma. I've gone through a whole range of emotions in just one 24 hour shift. And as much as I could not imagine doing anything different in my life I've noticed how it's changed me.

Not in a bad way, but not in a good way either.

In order to get through medical school you need to be tough. That's what I was always told. Okay be tough be tough. Got through Dominica and Step One. I WAS TOUGH. Then came the hospital. In order to get through day after day after day of caring for your patients it wears you out. You have some amazing beautiful encounters and you have some not so great encounters. You have people telling you you're doing great keep it up! Then you have people questioning why you did "x, y, z".

In order for me to cope with that I "became tougher". I hardened up - if something good happened - that's fine. If something bad happened - that's fine. There were no emotions anymore. I still cared so deeply for my patients wanting to make them feel comfortable and they were being cared for. But I wouldn't allow myself to feel emotions. I wouldn't get happy, sad, mad, angry, elated, joyous, scared or even homesick. I just did. I showed up. Cared for my patients and left. I couldn't handle the moments of excitement of helping a patient to the embarrassment of doing something incorrect and being spoken to about it. So I just wouldn't let myself feel either emotion.

So yeah you have to be tough to get through medical school, I'm not saying I am but I never TRULY realized what that meant until now. I've missed too many birthdays to count. I've missed get togethers, funerals, dinners, weddings, parties... YOU NAME IT I'VE MISSED IT.

I've lost contact with dear friends, I've felt like I haven't been able to be a good friend, a good sister, daughter or granddaughter. It can feel very isolating. Yet here I am still knowing that medicine is all I ever want to do.

I know medicine online can be glorified. Flatlays, fun study sessions, cool surgeries, cute scrubs.

AND IT IS ALL OF THOSE THINGS!!!

But there is also more. There's those tears of sadness, anger, frustration. Those 2 am eureka moments. Those disorganized desks with notes everywhere and UWorld ripping apart your soul. Those silent moments after a tough case. The exciting moments with patients.

And everything in between.

And I wouldn't change it for the world.

- Jen

MS3 Core Study Resources

Hi friends!

LONG TIME NO BLOG!!! I'm so sorry I've been so incredibly busy at the hospital and studying plus I haven't really known what I could even blog about for you guys (suggestions are open).

But considering I'm on my LAST CORE ROTATION OF THIRD YEAR... where has the time gone?!

I thought I'd compile what I used to study for each core. Now this is what worked for me and how I study best (visual learning and lots of repetition).

I used Online Med Ed across the board for all of my cores. I found it isn't as detailed as what NBME's are but it is an amazing summary of topics so I'd try to watch those videos in the first week to get a good foundation for my core.

UTILIZE THE NBME's!!!! Those were great learning resources. Again I used those for every core - I'd spread them out throughout the core and take a day going through the questions afterward.

Family Med: Case Files, Online Med Ed and NBME

Peds: UWorld, Online Med Ed and NBME

Psych: Online Med Ed, UWorld, First Aid for Psychiatry and NBME

OBGYN: Online Med Ed, UWorld, Case Files(while I was on the floor on 24's I'd go through the cases), NBME

Surgery: Online Med Ed, Pestanas, NBME, UWorld(Surgery, GI, Cardio, Renal, Rheum)

Internal (Currently): I'm trying to make myself go through one organ system a week using Online Med Ed, UWorld, and Step Up to Medicine + NBME's

Apps I've Used:

• UWorld
• Epocrates: pharm app
• BMI calculator
• UpToDate
• AHRQ ePSS: screening tools depending on patient age, gender and smoking status
• MDCalc: various scores or screening tools
• Bilibaby: especially for NICU
• ABFMExamPrep: Family med questions
• VaccineSchedule
• Aquifer Cases

If there's anything else you want me to write about please let me know!

Jen

Rotation One Done

Friends!

I just finished my family medicine rotation! To say I enjoyed it would be an understatement. I’ve known I belong in primary care for a long time. I’ve always enjoyed sitting with people and learning more about them and how I could help them. After going through this rotation I’ve grown to appreciate and respect the job of a primary care doctor more than I ever did before. They can be a patients voice, their shoulder to cry on, their sounding board, their confidant, a friendly face, the only stable portion of a persons life and so much more. The role of a general practitioner has been made to be someone who just writes referrals out and moves onto another patient. After this rotation I can assure you they are so much more than that. I’ve had the opportunity to work with some of the most amazing doctors who love and care for their patients more than I can begin to describe. They came in every day with a smile on their face ready to absorb any pain or suffering their patients were going through. They guided their patients through the medical system, trying to make sense of the complexities of it.

I’ve honestly loved working with the patient population I’ve seen at my clinics and within the hospital. I have learned so much in a few short 6 weeks - I’m excited to see what I will continue to learn and grow through during my next rotation.

As I’m sure you’ve all seen through my blog so far - Medicine is tough. I’ve only known the academic aspect of it and boy that was something. Being on the other side and learning about the clinical side of medicine makes me realize how seemingly “easy” the academics were.

*anyone in the basic sciences reading this probably having serious palpitations right now trust me it’s worth it*

The learning curve is steep - trying to grab my book knowledge, multiple choice question answering brain and let it grow to allow me to see the diseases and pathology in front of me (still trying to figure it out). All while trying to learn a new location, with new people a WHOLE new environment. I’d be lying if I said it was easy. I thought, “How am I going to make it through this?” multiple times a day.

Guys, somehow... even when you think you can’t make it through it, you always do.

- Jen

Tough Times

Friends!

I'm sitting here writing this and I should be going to bed but I can't help but think. Think about MERP in August 2015 then moving to Dominica January 2016 then coming home April 2017 and finally being in IMF.

It's only been 2.5 almost 3 years but I feel like I've lived a lifetime. It's been so rewarding, frustrating, exciting and nerve-racking and I can't even begin to try to put it into words.

I always end up writing these blogs when I need to hear what I'm writing in these blogs the most. I think to myself - if I need to hear this I can only imagine others do too.

I've been thinking lately about this journey... specifically my journey but I want to include everyone on this journey. I always go back and forth in my mind about sharing my journey and being public about it because I never want someone to compare their journey with mine.

Because I know I do that.

So it got me to thinking... write a blog about it.

I've heard the line (and thought the line) "well ______ is going through ______ so I can't complain".

But when I take a step back and really think about when I say something like that I'm really putting my own personal struggles and hardships down. EVERYONE... let me say this again EVERYONE is going through their own struggles. Whether it's personal or family oriented, seemingly big or seemingly small, within your control or not. We all have things we need to deal with and none of that should ever be compared. No one should ever be little their own struggles because it seems like it's not a big deal. It's important enough for you to think about - therefore it's a big deal... to YOU.

The beauty of medicine and its journey is that everyone is going to experience it very differently. We're all going to have different paths yet we all want the same thing... that MD/DO behind our names. Some students struggles may be internal - whether it be imposter syndrome, test anxiety, lack of confidence. Or external - family, friends, personal illness. Maybe some students deal with all of the above.

My point is your journey is your journey - however bumpy or smooth, internal or external. It's yours. And you should be proud of your journey. No matter how far along your journey you are. You could be in clinical rotations, basic sciences, just getting into med school, studying for your MCAT or just starting your pre-med journey.

Be proud of where you are and what you've accomplished up to this point. Never focus on someone else's road. Be proud of you.

- Jen

An Open Letter To My Friends & Family

For those of you who are friends or family this letter is for you,

I wanted to say thank you for trying to understand what I've been going through while in medical school. I know it's kind of complex and I tend to have to explain the journey multiple times but don't apologize for asking me to explain it to you 'one more time'. It's tough to follow! Sometimes I don't even know the answers to your questions and I have to look them up myself.

I know I've been here, but not really here. Home, but not really home. Textbooks and question banks have taken over my life. I used to be so great at responding to text messages and remembering special events but all of those have been slipping my mind. Trust me, when I do remember them I feel HORRIBLE about forgetting about them on their proper day.

Thankfully, every time I do pop up from my little study hole and apologize for taking ages to respond you always understand and tell me not to worry. You don't even realize how much that means to me.

I can't even describe how much I wish I could go to all of the birthday parties, get togethers and events but studying has consumed my life right now.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO FEEL BAD FOR ME.

I made the decision to go into medical school and go through the rigorous training to become a Doctor. I knew there would be some social sacrifices that would come along with it. I fully accept that - but because of that little internal "Doctor" instinct of wanting to be there for everyone, I know I have to be selfish.

I guess a part of me wants to apologize for putting you through this too - because we are going on this journey together.

You help keep my sanity. You help when I'm stressed. You help when I've had a horrible study day. You help to lighten my mood when a test is coming up. You remind me that I am supposed to be here. You tell me I will be a great Doctor one day.


Even though you attribute this to "just being a good friend" know to me it means so much more than that. I wouldn't be where I am today without you so any of my wins are just as much yours.

Thank you for joining me on this wild ride. I promise to keep the good stories coming,

Jen

Type A or B?

Hi Friends!

I'm writing this post because I've been having many conversations about this topic over the past few weeks and I honestly find it pretty interesting.

I'm sure you've all heard about Type A and Type B personalities - but what do they really mean?

I just typed them into google and this fun little quiz came up to see what personality type you are

What Personality Type are you?

As medical students I think we all have a part of Type A personality in us, some more than others, but what does that really mean?

Other than the obvious personality traits a Type A person is described as impatient, concerned about time management, anxious, rigidly organized, workaholics... the list goes on. What else does Type A mean?

There have been several studies published that show that people who have Type A Personality are more likely to have early CAD (coronary artery disease), high blood pressure and are at an increased risk of stroke. As someone who is trying to be in the medical field and who's job it is to advocate healthy choices and decisions, I believe it's pretty ironic that we could be the patients who have very preventable health issues.

Then what do we do to prevent this? I'm going to be honest I'm still trying to figure it out for myself because my personality heavily sits on the Type A side but I think it just all comes down to having an outlet.

Whether that means drawing, working out, dancing, singing, going in nature, playing with animals (favourite by far), reading, watching your favourite TV show - we need to integrate something into our schedule that can help relieve some of our stress.

For example, I'm gonna use myself here, my first round of studying at home I just studied day in and day out. No breaks. Nothing fun. No days off. And I noticed that my energy levels were SO LOW. It was so hard to get out of bed in the morning - so difficult to get motivated and tough to even learn new information. I decided something had to change so I started integrating in work out breaks, dance parties, study space changes and little did you know my productivity levels increased and even though I was waking up an hour earlier (some days even more) than I did before I had a heck of a lot more energy. I gave myself one day off a week and to my surprise even though I was working one less day a week (shame, shame, shame) the other six days I was working I was able to get so much more done and I was able to retain a lot more.

Figuring out a schedule that works for you can be a pain but once you figure out what works best for your body I promise your studying will feel totally different.

- Jen

Imposter Syndrome

Hi Friends!

I write this blog post on a slow morning - as I sit here and it's past 11 and I still haven't finished my first cup of coffee.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting about undergrad and medical school these past few days and I wanted to share with you the basis of my thoughts - and Imposter Syndrome basically sums it up.

The first time I heard this term I was in PSYCH 100 in undergrad - winter semester of my first year of undergrad. Back then it was more or less a definition I had to memorize for one of my midterms and nothing more. Now it's definition has a lot more meaning in my life.

For those of you who are wondering what I'm talking about:

"According to Joan Harvey, the impostor phenomenon (IP) is a “psychological syndrome or pattern. It is based on intense, secret feelings of fraudulence in the face of success and achievement. If you suffer from the impostor phenomenon, you believe that you don’t deserve your success; you’re a phony who has somehow ‘gotten away with it.’” (Harvey, 1984, p. 3). “Syndrome” may be too strong a term, but many of us experience these feelings with varying strengths and frequencies."

https://uwaterloo.ca/centre-for-teaching-excellence/teaching-resources/teaching-tips/planning-courses/tips-teaching-assistants/impostor-phenomenon-and

I think that website from Waterloo sums it up pretty well!

But that's basically what every medical student deals with at one point in time.

I think about all the times my friends and I talk about medical school and making it off the island and I can never forget how I explain myself getting through medical school "under the radar - letting me slip through the cracks and hoping they don't find me". If that's not textbook Imposter Syndrome I don't know what is.

As I've mentioned before - as medical students we're PHENOMENAL at bringing up our classmates and believing in them but we always fail at believing in ourselves.

The amount of times I've found myself telling my friends or thinking, "If only you believed in yourself as much as I believe in you". For whatever reason I, and I'm sure many other students, cannot transfer those feelings to myself.

I've been struggling to find a way to fight those imposter feelings - that website I posted up above has some ideas that I'm going to try to implement into my daily life.

I am sure I'm not the only student who has been experiencing this so I'm opening up about them on my blog hoping to maybe kick start a conversation about this and maybe share some ideas about how to fight Imposter Syndrome.

- Jen

Life Happens

Hello crew!

I've been home for about three weeks now and I've had lots going on in my personal life - academic wise it's been on the back burner.

After two weeks at home I had the unfortunate experience of losing my grandmother. She experienced a quite sudden death so it came as a shock to my whole family. As for me it also came with a bit of frustration because as I looked back at her care over the past few months I saw so many systems errors that could have been prevented that would have allowed my grandmother to be much more comfortable as she was passing and would have given my family much more closure as her time was coming up.

The week my grandmother ended up in the hospital, for what would be her last time, I had begun an online course to help with step prep. With everything that unfolded it wouldn't be an understatement to say that my mind was all over the place. All of my plans for studying and attacking step had flown out the window.

I was almost in a state of shock.

I just remember a wave of panic overwhelming my whole body and the thought, "Jen you cannot screw this up".

I thankfully have some amazing, beautiful friends (you know who you are) who sent loving messages daily to make me feel like I wasn't going through this alone and I would get through it.

But there was still that panic. "You have eight weeks to study for comp... you can't mess this up".

Not only was I dealing with the loss of my grandmother and the frustrations that had attached to it, but I knew I had to keep moving forward. I instantly thought back to third year university, September 2013, first week of classes when my grandfather passed away and three weeks later my dad having surgery. I thought about how I dealt with those family stresses then... and how that ended up hurting me in the long run.

I tried to act tough and pretend it never really happened. Never letting myself actually process what happened. Sure that was great at the time... but I barely got through orgo chem 1 leading me to fail orgo 2.

NOW THAT WAS ROUGH. Big huge blow to the ego. How the heck was I going to apply to medical school now that I failed orgo 2.

Flashforward 3.5 years and obviously I got through it and made it to the medical school side. Now I'm facing my "medical school application" of medical school... step one. And I do not want to make the same mistakes I made the first time I had deaths in the family. I owed it to myself to learn from my previous mistakes.

And I want you all to learn from my previous mistakes too... Life happens while you're studying. You need to learn to deal with both.

So if you have a traumatic event happen to you or someone close to you and you feel like you need to take a step back for a little to recharge and reboot then do it. Take some time and process. Trust me when I say I've tried ignoring it and it doesn't work.

I'm currently trying to take my own advice and it's hard to not get frustrated with myself when I can't stay focused.

Believe me when I say if you're dealing with something similar you aren't dealing with it alone.

- Jen

Our family before the viewing

RIP my new angel

The Last Hoorah

My internet family!

I just found out today I have passed the island portion of my lifelong journey of medicine. I had to recheck multiple times before I would actually believe it... BUT I DID IT!

I want to start this off by sending a huge congratulations to all of my classmates who went through this amazing journey with me. You all did it and you should be so proud of your accomplishments! I can't wait to rotate in hospitals with you.

I thought since I've been on the island for 16 months I'd give you guys 16 things I've learned while on island:

1. How to live without running (clean) water and other luxuries of home
I remember my first week on island, I was so shell shocked about being here. Dominica was nothing like home. You didn't have a Wal-Mart down the street or grocery stores on every corner. It was a developing country. I didn't know what to expect when I left my sweet comfort zone I called home but when I got to Dominica I realized what I was in for. At first it was weird filling up your water at a filling station but over time you got used to it. You got used to the low water pressure at certain times of the day and just worked your way around it (I am now a morning shower person), or when you turned your tap on that one time late at night and nothing came out. Since then I always have an extra water bottle for brushing my teeth.

2. 8 straight hours of sleep is a luxury
At home I'm used to sleeping in relatively quiet areas, aka the suburbs, so coming to Dominica and hearing bugs all night, and waves, and motorcycles was something to get used to INITIALLY. Then the semester starts... and all of a sudden you notice yourself telling yourself "one more hour... I'll be okay". Then you start calculating how long you'll be asleep if you fall asleep RIGHT NOW.

3. Simple things become difficult
I find this point partially embarrassing but it's true. I have lost the ability to do some simple tasks or utilize the English language. The amount of times I've tried to order something on campus and I stand there pointing to food at a total loss of what this item is actually called. It ALWAYS happens to me with pepper jack cheese. Recently I've been leaving the tap running and walking away...

4. Dominica is NOT the Dominican Republic
I confused this the first few months after I applied

5. There is a reason people in the Caribbean leave the Caribbean in the summer
It gets HOT here in the summer. I mean your skin feels like it's melting off hot. For our summer semester I would leave my house an hour earlier in the morning and an hour later at night to make sure I didn't melt. I would also take multiple showers a day and drink loads of water and STILL managed to get dehydrated.

6. No amount of coffee is enough coffee
If you know me you know this is a life motto of mine. It does get scary though when you drink a lot of coffee/energy drinks/caffeine pills and you still yawn as if you've never slept before. I've been working on keeping my caffeine levels low unless a mini or final is coming up and I 150% recommend doing that.

7. When it rains it pours
I mean that literally. Don't EVER leave your umbrella at home. It could look like a nice innocent sunny day, but I promise you as soon as you leave your house the weather gods sense you left the umbrella at home and they will make it pour... for the rest of the day.

8. Don't forget sunscreen
Again you may think "I'll be outside for less than an hour in the middle of the day I'll be good!" WRONG. If you are fair skinned like me trust me you will burn, and you will peel and it will be the most uncomfortable burn of your life. The sun down here is strong.

9. Nothing is better than a sunrise or sunset
If you've looked at my Instagram you will see MANY sunsets, and if you go through my phone you will find countless more. There's something about watching the sun set and hearing the waves hitting the beach that can make any amount of stress go away (even if it's for just a minute).

10. Island time is a real thing
Your landlord tells you 10:30, or laundry is supposed to arrive at 9... add on about 30 mins (on a good day) and that's the approximate time that your appointment will actually happen. At first this is kind of odd to get used to but by the end of the first or second month it's just the normal.

11. Not doing anything is a very guilty feeling
You will see after about a month into medical school, you're always doing something. Organizing notes, scarfing food down, writing notes, watching lecture, walking somewhere, going to lab, working on clinical skills... it's always go, go, go and all you want to do is to sit and relax. When you do get that day to sit and do nothing you feel guilty and weird... like you should be doing something. Every time I go home my parents always tell me to sit and chill SORRY NOT IN MY VOCABULARY ANYMORE.

12. Missing family events suck
Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Canada Day, Fourth of July... never gets easier. I always get the FaceTime call in followed by the "woah you look tired"... thanks guys... and being shown the yummy food and just being with the extended family.

13. Being homesick happens... often
You're so busy while you're on the island and you have barely any time to think about anything other than school and what you're doing tomorrow for class. But when you do sit down and think (especially if you stayed on island between semesters) you really start to miss your concrete jungles back home. Remember that traffic you used to despise? You kind of miss sitting in it. Those obnoxious honks from cars speeding by? You miss it. Starbucks... you miss it... a lot.

14. Missing food you never missed is normal
When I lived back at home did I ever crave any type of fast food? NEVER! A salad? NO WAY! On island... every day. Being in a smaller town is great because you don't have many distractions but it also means you see the same restaurants every day. When you first come on island that Chinese place down the street may be the best! Two months in you never want to see chicken fried rice ever again.

15. Your family may be far away but your friends will fill that void
This runs closely with lesson 12... even though you miss family events with your family back home you get to spend them with what I like to call them my "Island Tribe". What is also sad about this lesson is that you only get to spend these events with this island tribe on Dominica once. That's right one time. Unless you're lucky and you get your birthday on island two times. As difficult as it is to not be with your family for those special days - your island tribe will always come to save the day when you're feeling some serious home-sickness.

16. Self love is the best love
Medical school is tough stuff. It's no walk in the park and if someone says it is they're a liar. You have to push yourself harder than you've ever pushed yourself in your entire life. Sometimes it pays off. Sometimes it's as if you never studied. It happens to every single one of us. It's hard to realize at times but you didn't get here by chance. You worked your butt off and made sacrifices in your life to get here. It may not seem like its paying off now but in the long run it is. Never EVER give up hope on your dream. If you ever need a little pick me up always feel free to shoot a message my way.

Jen

Hospital Visit Number One!

Hello!

I had a few people ask me about my experience at Princess Margaret Hospital this past week so I figured I'd do a whole post about it!

For those of you who may not know in 4X at Ross we do two hospital visits to the main hospital in Dominica - Princess Margaret Hospital. The hospital is located in the capital of Dominica Roseau - about an hour drive from where the school is.

For this visit I was in the Dialysis and Oncology units in the morning and then I did a mock OSCE in the afternoon.

For those who don't know what OSCE is - it's a clinical exam we take - Step 2 CS. For the real exam, we go through 20 rooms, each with a standardized patient, and we perform an interview and physical exam and then we have 10 minutes to write a SOAP note after each room. The standardized patient grades us along with doctors who watch the video recordings of us in the room. Ours was not as intense (it still was though don't get me wrong - I definitely had my adrenaline pumping) we had 3 rooms instead of 20. But essentially everything else was the same. Even though it was very stressful I'm happy we were given the opportunity to practice our skills and go though a mock Step 2 CS exam.

As for the hospital itself - it looks nothing like a hospital you would imagine back at home. It was essentially blocks with covered walkways connecting different wards together. So we first went to the dialysis unit where patients come on two different regimens for their treatment; Monday, Wednesday, Friday OR Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday. Since these patients have kidneys that are functioning at very low levels they need to come three times a week so the dialysis machines can filter their blood for them. We had the honour of meeting two patients who allowed us to talk to them and learn more about their back story and how they ended up on dialysis.

We met one pleasant woman who was from the same area as Ross who allowed us to palpate her fistula (the connection of a vein to an artery) and it was different than a normal pulse that's for sure - I'm not even sure how to describe it. I've never been in a dialysis unit or palpated a fistula so this was all very new and interesting to me.

Next we went to the Oncology ward - unfortunately it wasn't a very busy day but we had the amazing opportunity to speak with one of the doctors, Dr. Malakar, who actually helped to find the discipline of Oncology in the medical field. I personally gained a lot more insight into Oncology and how doctors manage patients with a large team.

My next visit is on February 14th (Happy Valentines Day to me) and I will be going into two specialities for the day which I am very excited about. I'm crossing my fingers hoping I'm able to go into the OR or go into the Orthopaedic ward.

Jen

Find your Tribe

Hey guys!

So I was asked a really good question and I thought it would give me a perfect opportunity to write a blog post.

"How do you keep going when people doubt you?"

I have a long and a short answer to this one...

In short - DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!

Now my longer response. Everyone I've spoken to has had their fair share of people who didn't believe in them or didn't think that they would be able to get to whatever their dream goal was. I can only speak from my own experience but I've had my own non-believers in my life. It's difficult when you are seeing any sort of academic advisors and they tell you to "quit" or "drop out" or "try again later". So negative... and such a bone breaking way to crush someones soul. Coming back from situations like that are very difficult. But it all boils down to your support system.

I've been so incredibly grateful that my friends and family have always stood behind my back 150%. Whether they be at home (hi Mom, Dad, Alex and Babcia!), on the other side of the country (hi Mary Anne!) or on the other side of the world (hi Susan!) I know I have people who have so much belief and faith in me that it just keeps me going.

But back to getting over that initial soul crushing moment - it's going to be hard... and it will never get easier when someone says you can't do something. Turn those emotions around and take all that sadness and all of those tears and fight. Do everything you can to prove that person wrong. So what if they don't think you can make it into medical school. Half of the time they may not really even know what it takes to get into medical school (other than your usual GPA and MCAT statistics). And find someone who does believe in you.

I've been so fortunate that my parents have always told me to follow my dreams and they will always be there for me. Internally that wasn't enough. I wanted someone from an academic standpoint to believe in me too. Fortunately I was able to find professors who believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. And I want to say thank you to them - for writing my letters of recommendation, letting me sit in your office to talk, welcoming me into your lab and for most importantly not putting any weight on my transcript and basing their opinion on me after knowing me as a person and as a student.

All in all - you will have people who will doubt you or criticize you on the way but take everything they say with a grain of salt and keep on pursuing your dreams.

- Jen

Getting ready for 3X

Hello my friends!!

I sit here the day after the heavily spoken about and internationally known boiling lake hike and let me tell you... muscles I didn't know could hurt are hurting.

As some of you may have seen on the news we're getting hit by a tropical depression Gaston. Winds are strong and there is a significant amount of rain falling. The weather wasn't as bad yesterday therefore we continued on with our hike.

The base of the hike is about 6.5 miles east of Rosseau (the capital of Dominica) so approximately 1.5 hour drive. The first part of the hike is through a heavily wooded area, with little steps for you to walk on guiding you to a small river where we had our first break. We sat there to cool off, hydrate and eat some food.

Next we hiked 1 km (1000 m) up. That was probably the most tiring part of this whole hike. It allowed me to do a lot of thinking (on my many breaks) - hiking is a lot like schooling - its beautiful when you take a step back and look around but when you focus in on yourself and lose sight of the beauty of the journey it turns into something a little more painstaking.

So, we finally made it to the top of this brutal summit. Our guide told us to start going back if we felt too tired but myself and two of my friends said we were going to make it to the lake.

Then our tour guide continued on...

The three of us caught our breath and continued down the other side of this summit. It didn't start off too bad, still more steps down - a little more difficult on this downward side. We then reached a point where there were no more steps and just a mountainous wall. The three of us saw our lives flash before our eyes countless times as we tried to figure out how to get down this mountain.

Once we finally made it down into the sulphur spring areas we took another break, and tried to bring down our adrenaline and calm our shaken nerves. We saw another guide leading a small group into a valley so we figured we should follow them. Once we actually made it to the valley we couldn't see where they could have gone but we followed the stream flowing down into boiling lake. Again, this started off not too bad but as we travelled deeper and deeper into this valley it was much more difficult. There were no places to put your feet, no rocks to hold on to, nothing. And I started to panic.

For the first time in a very long time I thought I made a completely wrong decision. We didn't know where we were, we had no one behind us telling us where to go and we had no idea if we were even heading in the right direction. We were yelling, trying to see if anyone could hear us... we felt so alone and lost. My one friend said she was going forward to see if she saw anyone and my other friend and I waited until we decided to try to head back from where we came from.

My legs were shaking, arms so sore, I was literally COVERED in sweat. Looking back and seeing where we struggled through was oddly beautiful. I could honestly say we got through all of that by ourselves and as much as I wanted to cry I turned back and tried to be as logical as possible to get back to an area where we knew where we were going.

That was probably one of the most mentally and physically challenging days I've had in my life. But do I regret it for a second? No.

I was scared for my life, I was tired, I felt weak and I felt so alone but I got through it (with the help of some friends). Although that may sound like a pretty scary way to start third semester I think it is beautiful. There are going to be ups and downs in your life and there are going to be times when you feel like you're lost and alone and you're so very close to giving up hope. But if you push through and persevere you can do ANYTHING you put your mind to.

Now even though my body is the most sore it's ever been I feel 100% ready to tackle M2!

- Jen

Just Keep Building

Hello Friends!

Quick turn around for another post from me but I’ve got some inspiration for some more writing/procrastinating.

I got some pretty exciting news yesterday and I’ll officially post it on this blog - but I’ve been asked to be the Prime Minister (President) for the Canadian Students Society! Words can’t even describe how excited and happy I am to be able to take a leadership role in this club and work along side some of my amazing friends.

I'd just like to take a moment and reflect as to why I'm so grateful not only for the Canadian Students Society but for being in medical school and living out my dream of becoming a Doctor.

In high school I was a very active student member. Coming from a smaller all girls high school it was very easy to get involved in the school community. I did plays, ran the robotics team, was selected to be a prefect, was on the May Court, helped out with school events... You get the drift.

For various reasons everything changed in my undergrad. I wasn't involved in any clubs let alone never dreamt about taking a leadership role in any aspect of my time there. Just to clarify, it had nothing to do with the school itself. The Applied Health Sciences Faculty was amazing - the smallest faculty on campus - we had a very home like feel to all of our events and throughout all of our buildings.

My confidence was stripped. I isolated myself. I didn't think I could be a part of a team and I didn't want to be. I didn't think I could be a leader, not in a group project let alone in a club.

For various reasons, I wasn’t the same active student body member that I was before. My friends who knew me from high school noticed the shift and honestly there was nothing anyone could really do to bring my confidence back up to where it was before. It was hard, going from being someone who was so actively involved to someone who went to classes and labs and that was it. No extra curriculars, no clubs, no teams - nothing. Until I found a volunteering position working with cancer patients that made me want to get more involved. Mind you at this point joining anything was a big deal for me. And I will be forever thankful to all of my patients at Well Fit, as much as you say I helped you, you helped to shape me into the future doctor I am today.

I was thinking about my 18/19 year old self and how she would react if I told her that she would be in medical school, and she would be loving it. She would gain her confidence to take on leadership roles again and most importantly she would be genuinely happy.

The thought brought me to tears.

I asked a lot of friends whether I should post this more personal blog and I got a resounding yes. Then I realized how happy an 18/19 year old Jen would be if she read something like this when she wasn't feeling her best.

For anyone who may be thinking about applying to medical school but is doubting themselves or doesn’t believe that they can do it - if you want it badly enough you will do it. And you will succeed. Once you start doing what you love the confidence and the happiness just falls into place.

- Jen

Finding Dory in Dominica

Hello friends!

Just writing to you after my first weekend off since coming to the island! We just finished our Neurology block - we had our practical exam on Wednesday and our Mini on Friday. I think I can speak for my whole class in saying that we've been waiting for this weekend since first semester. Even though we had no classes this week it was a tough week. I find neuro very interesting but there was so much information to try and cram into our heads. After this semester I'm 100% certain we deserved this weekend off (even though it went by in the blink of an eye).

Second semester has been tough I'm not going to lie. I'm not very strong in Physiology and this is a very Physiology dense semester. I've been working my butt of to try and grasp this information as much as I possibly can (along with trying to figure out how to get more hours in my day - if anyone has an answer please let me know).

This weekend was so relaxing - but we also had a lot of fun! On Friday night we went to a Paediatrics Student Auction where my friends and I were auctioned off for 2400 EC - approximately 860 USD. We were so excited that we were able to raise that much money for a child on the island to have a heart surgery.

On Saturday we spent the afternoon Snorkelling in Cabrits National Park. It was a nice boat ride - three hours and two different reefs. The water was so blue, clear and stunning - one thing that I love so much about the island. I'd never been snorkelling before so I was so excited to finally go and cross that off my bucket list.

Today I had a nice sleep in and a brunch at my favourite breakfast place called Aunty Graces. A group of us then went to a lazy river past the airport and just enjoyed nature - admiring our Jurassic Park Island.

I still sit here in total awe of where I am studying medicine. Not only am I living out my dream of becoming a doctor but I also get to do it on a stunning island. As I've mentioned before it can be frustrating because it's not like home and we don't have the same things readily available but the island itself is so beautiful. It's very easy to get caught up in the little bubble surrounding campus and you don't even realize it but it wears you out. It's always go-go-go around here and you don't ever get much time to just relax and not do anything.

I know I surely needed this weekend to pull everything back together and regain some mental sanity. These next four weeks are going to be long and difficult but I need to keep pushing through. I always tell you guys I keep it totally honest here and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm mentally exhausted and I'm nervous for the next two blocks we have, Endocrine and Reproductive Systems. I haven't had too much exposure to either so it's going to be a larger learning curve for me. All we can really do is keep moving forward and stay positive.

Jen

Snorkelling

The Upper Deck

Food my parents sent

Sunsets

Study Day

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Tubing

One Month In

Hello friends!

I figured I'd write a post (definitely not doing this as procrastination) about one month in to my semester and let you guys know how life on the island is going.

I'm in my 2X semester, all the "X" means is I'm finishing the schooling portion of my MD in 16 months as opposed to 20. This semester, as I've been told, is very heavy in physiology which makes me a little nervous because physiology is not my strong suit. We've completed our Cardiovascular 1 and are finishing up our Respiratory 1 before our first Mini on Tuesday. So far we've had all physiology classes except for 4 lectures so there's been a lot of information thrown our way.

In second we also have ICM (clinical skills) and SGL's. The ICM's are hour long sessions where we learn how to perform various tests done during a physical exam. At the end of the semester we're going to be tested during a practical exam. SGL's are essentially case studies done in a small group. You spend one hour with a patient interviewing them and learning about their clinical case. The next hour is spent discussing with your group and then everyone is delegated a different aspect of the case to do research on before their next meeting. I have my first one tomorrow and I'm pretty nervous/excited to see how it will go.

As always school is a whirlwind of emotions. Some days I wake up and I wonder if I'll ever become a doctor, or if I'm in too far over my head and maybe this isn't for me. Those days are hard to get through, lectures seem so much longer, the material seems so much drier, I miss home so much more. I've experienced how straining this is mentally. I've never been so challenged academically and emotionally in my life. It seems so easy to give up. Go back home and figure life out. But then I have my island family who always manages to make the bad days better. They talk me out of my funk and remind me all of the reasons I fought to get here in the first place.

When it gets difficult, and it always does, I try to remember why I want this so badly. Why I'd make myself go through 14 hour days, barely any sleep, coffee as a lifeline... and I know, I know that once I get through medical school, get my MD, get through residency and become an attending I will never have to work a day in my life. Sure everything leading up to that attending position seems like it could be a deterrent - but honestly - there's nothing else I'd rather be doing with my time.

Jen

I love these crazy Canadian MERP-ers

Obsessed with sunsets

I can't help myself

Before CVS examination

Never Going To Be A First Semester Medical Student Again

Hello friends!

I'm writing this after one full day of relaxation after my final for first semester. It still feels so surreal that I've completed 15 weeks of intense medical school. I feel like I've only been here for one month and it's crazy to look back at all of the information I got into my brain in 15 weeks.

It's been one heck of a ride so far. I feel like I've been challenged mentally, emotionally and physically (try sitting at a desk for 14+ hours a day - you'll know what I mean). There were times this semester where I wondered if I was going to get through it. I would get home after a long day of studying and wonder if this was really for me.

I'd lay down in bed and think about the people I've met and the various experiences I've had and I realized that I am meant to be here. I'm meant to go through every trial and tribulation in order to get to do what I've been dreaming of doing for years. Then I realize it's not a matter of dreaming any more - it's just doing what I need to do to accomplish my goals.

Every time a professor says, "You are a physician in training" I get shivers up and down my spine.

Every.time.

Going through one semester of medical school has made me appreciate and respect Physicians more than I already do. They've all experienced the same things us current medical students are experiencing. Long days turning into nights, never ending information, frustration, tears, caffeine overload and total exhaustion.

But there's not a day I wake up not knowing that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. And what I love about my friends and classmates at Ross is that they all think the same thing.

Becoming a Physician is their dream and they are not about to give up. They don't realize how much they inspire me and push me to be a better student and person on a daily basis.

I'm back home tomorrow! So I'm off to pack!

Jen

Post exam day relaxation!

If I'm not in the library I'm on the beach

Post exam dinner

This sneaky cutie wanted my sub

Just Go For It.

Hello friends!

I'm writing this after my last mini of semester one of medical school (I still feel weird when I say I'm in medical school)! It's been a long (yet somewhat short) ride but I'm in the final stretch.

I've had this thought brewing in my mind for the past week and I thought I would share it with you all. I remember when I was applying to University thinking to myself  "I wonder if I've done all I can to prepare for this?" - and that same thought crossed my mind before I came down to start my medical school journey. Since that thought crossed my mind for a second time, and many times throughout this semester, I've realized that there are some things you cannot completely prepare for.

Yes, you can take pre-requisite courses and read every self help book and blog that people have written but until you've experienced the experience yourself you don't know how you're going to react. I thought I had mentally prepared for medical school and the amount of work we were going to have to go through, "I went to MERP, that was a great stepping stone, I'm so set for this!"

I was partially correct. Yes, MERP did help with my organization, note taking skills, study product skills, test taking skills ect ect. but unless you've gone to medical school you don't know what medical school is like.

You don't know how you will feel after sitting in class for four hours and then going directly to the library to re-learn the material until you go to sleep and then repeat that the next day.

You don't know how you will handle loads of information coming your way, some of it you pick up quickly, some it takes more time. And then balancing what you're learning and what you need to review in order to prepare for up coming exams.

I think the best way to approach medical school, or anything you haven't been exposed to before, is with humility and an open mind. You will never be the only person sitting in the library thinking "How the heck am I going to do this?!" - EVERYONE is thinking it. Everyone has topics they are stronger in - whether it's because they did their undergrad/masters in that field or just out of pure interest in certain subject areas.

Use your classmates and friends for help. We're all going through it together. I could talk someones ear off about biomechanics of movement or the gait cycle or the limbs... but talk to me about biochemistry and that conversation won't last long. I never really used my friends to help me understand concepts in undergrad and I really wish I would have just sucked up the fact that I can't know everything and asked for help. It's very easy to earn points on an exam if you just ask your friend if you understand a concept correctly.

We're all going through it together, and we will all do it together.

My friend group has become my family, and family sticks together through good times and bad.

So lets go rock our last week of first semester!

Jen

Photo Post

Hello Friends!

I have finished my work early this evening (9:30 pm) so I thought I'd update my blog with some pictures from the past few weeks I've been here on the island!

I generally live inside one of the libraries on campus so these are from after our first Mini and we had the afternoon off.

Hope you enjoy :)

Post White Coat Ceremony 

Trail Riding

Playing with all the animals

Panorama during a beach walk

With the horse I rode

Playing with a kitty

Another one with the horse (I love horses)

From my building

I'll post on my next work lull,

Jen

It's Time For The Fun To Begin

Hello Friends!

Just finished my first full week on the island and I have been having a blast. There have obviously been some ups and downs with getting accustomed to the island but so far everyone I've met has been very kind, helpful and excited to start medical school.

We've done one full week of orientation and were fed a lot of information about first semester, finishing medical school, all of our tests, about campus, about the island... you name it - we covered it this week. We also dealt with the more formal aspects of the school including checking in, getting our white coats, finding our lockers, anatomy lab orientation and being put into our lab dissection groups.

After being fed all of this information and seeing all of the different things we need to do it is very easy to get overwhelmed. But I've been told time and time again just take it one day at a time and don't let yourself fall behind.

After all of these intense orientation sessions we had some excursion activities. I saw the Indian River where the Pirates of the Caribbean was filmed, Trafalgar Falls, the Botanical Gardens and Scotts Head (the Southern most point of the island where the Atlantic meets the Caribbean Sea) it was absolutely stunning but not without excitement.

After our long, sweaty hike my friends and I were on the beach area figuring out if we wanted to go into the water to cool down when we quickly realized there was a distressed swimmer in the ocean. Being a lifeguard I knew I had to go try to help this swimmer, I quickly took my shirt, shoes and shorts off (luckily I was wearing my swimsuit underneath). I went down the VERY ROCKY beach and finally made it into the water to help the swimmer in need. Unfortunately when I placed my foot down in the shallow water I landed directly on a sea urchin. As I said that day, I'd rather a sea urchin in my foot than anything else.

Shout out to all of my friends who helped me and have been checking up on me after the incident.

Medical School has to start off with a bang and I can't wait to see what other adventures it may throw my way!

- Jen

On our canoe in the Indian River

The Indian River

Trafalgar Falls

The tip of Rosseau with some friends

The beautiful Scotts Head