Life Happens

Hello crew!

I've been home for about three weeks now and I've had lots going on in my personal life - academic wise it's been on the back burner.

After two weeks at home I had the unfortunate experience of losing my grandmother. She experienced a quite sudden death so it came as a shock to my whole family. As for me it also came with a bit of frustration because as I looked back at her care over the past few months I saw so many systems errors that could have been prevented that would have allowed my grandmother to be much more comfortable as she was passing and would have given my family much more closure as her time was coming up.

The week my grandmother ended up in the hospital, for what would be her last time, I had begun an online course to help with step prep. With everything that unfolded it wouldn't be an understatement to say that my mind was all over the place. All of my plans for studying and attacking step had flown out the window.

I was almost in a state of shock.

I just remember a wave of panic overwhelming my whole body and the thought, "Jen you cannot screw this up".

I thankfully have some amazing, beautiful friends (you know who you are) who sent loving messages daily to make me feel like I wasn't going through this alone and I would get through it.

But there was still that panic. "You have eight weeks to study for comp... you can't mess this up".

Not only was I dealing with the loss of my grandmother and the frustrations that had attached to it, but I knew I had to keep moving forward. I instantly thought back to third year university, September 2013, first week of classes when my grandfather passed away and three weeks later my dad having surgery. I thought about how I dealt with those family stresses then... and how that ended up hurting me in the long run.

I tried to act tough and pretend it never really happened. Never letting myself actually process what happened. Sure that was great at the time... but I barely got through orgo chem 1 leading me to fail orgo 2.

NOW THAT WAS ROUGH. Big huge blow to the ego. How the heck was I going to apply to medical school now that I failed orgo 2.

Flashforward 3.5 years and obviously I got through it and made it to the medical school side. Now I'm facing my "medical school application" of medical school... step one. And I do not want to make the same mistakes I made the first time I had deaths in the family. I owed it to myself to learn from my previous mistakes.

And I want you all to learn from my previous mistakes too... Life happens while you're studying. You need to learn to deal with both.

So if you have a traumatic event happen to you or someone close to you and you feel like you need to take a step back for a little to recharge and reboot then do it. Take some time and process. Trust me when I say I've tried ignoring it and it doesn't work.

I'm currently trying to take my own advice and it's hard to not get frustrated with myself when I can't stay focused.

Believe me when I say if you're dealing with something similar you aren't dealing with it alone.

- Jen

Our family before the viewing

RIP my new angel

The Last Hoorah

My internet family!

I just found out today I have passed the island portion of my lifelong journey of medicine. I had to recheck multiple times before I would actually believe it... BUT I DID IT!

I want to start this off by sending a huge congratulations to all of my classmates who went through this amazing journey with me. You all did it and you should be so proud of your accomplishments! I can't wait to rotate in hospitals with you.

I thought since I've been on the island for 16 months I'd give you guys 16 things I've learned while on island:

1. How to live without running (clean) water and other luxuries of home
I remember my first week on island, I was so shell shocked about being here. Dominica was nothing like home. You didn't have a Wal-Mart down the street or grocery stores on every corner. It was a developing country. I didn't know what to expect when I left my sweet comfort zone I called home but when I got to Dominica I realized what I was in for. At first it was weird filling up your water at a filling station but over time you got used to it. You got used to the low water pressure at certain times of the day and just worked your way around it (I am now a morning shower person), or when you turned your tap on that one time late at night and nothing came out. Since then I always have an extra water bottle for brushing my teeth.

2. 8 straight hours of sleep is a luxury
At home I'm used to sleeping in relatively quiet areas, aka the suburbs, so coming to Dominica and hearing bugs all night, and waves, and motorcycles was something to get used to INITIALLY. Then the semester starts... and all of a sudden you notice yourself telling yourself "one more hour... I'll be okay". Then you start calculating how long you'll be asleep if you fall asleep RIGHT NOW.

3. Simple things become difficult
I find this point partially embarrassing but it's true. I have lost the ability to do some simple tasks or utilize the English language. The amount of times I've tried to order something on campus and I stand there pointing to food at a total loss of what this item is actually called. It ALWAYS happens to me with pepper jack cheese. Recently I've been leaving the tap running and walking away...

4. Dominica is NOT the Dominican Republic
I confused this the first few months after I applied

5. There is a reason people in the Caribbean leave the Caribbean in the summer
It gets HOT here in the summer. I mean your skin feels like it's melting off hot. For our summer semester I would leave my house an hour earlier in the morning and an hour later at night to make sure I didn't melt. I would also take multiple showers a day and drink loads of water and STILL managed to get dehydrated.

6. No amount of coffee is enough coffee
If you know me you know this is a life motto of mine. It does get scary though when you drink a lot of coffee/energy drinks/caffeine pills and you still yawn as if you've never slept before. I've been working on keeping my caffeine levels low unless a mini or final is coming up and I 150% recommend doing that.

7. When it rains it pours
I mean that literally. Don't EVER leave your umbrella at home. It could look like a nice innocent sunny day, but I promise you as soon as you leave your house the weather gods sense you left the umbrella at home and they will make it pour... for the rest of the day.

8. Don't forget sunscreen
Again you may think "I'll be outside for less than an hour in the middle of the day I'll be good!" WRONG. If you are fair skinned like me trust me you will burn, and you will peel and it will be the most uncomfortable burn of your life. The sun down here is strong.

9. Nothing is better than a sunrise or sunset
If you've looked at my Instagram you will see MANY sunsets, and if you go through my phone you will find countless more. There's something about watching the sun set and hearing the waves hitting the beach that can make any amount of stress go away (even if it's for just a minute).

10. Island time is a real thing
Your landlord tells you 10:30, or laundry is supposed to arrive at 9... add on about 30 mins (on a good day) and that's the approximate time that your appointment will actually happen. At first this is kind of odd to get used to but by the end of the first or second month it's just the normal.

11. Not doing anything is a very guilty feeling
You will see after about a month into medical school, you're always doing something. Organizing notes, scarfing food down, writing notes, watching lecture, walking somewhere, going to lab, working on clinical skills... it's always go, go, go and all you want to do is to sit and relax. When you do get that day to sit and do nothing you feel guilty and weird... like you should be doing something. Every time I go home my parents always tell me to sit and chill SORRY NOT IN MY VOCABULARY ANYMORE.

12. Missing family events suck
Birthdays, Thanksgiving, Easter, Canada Day, Fourth of July... never gets easier. I always get the FaceTime call in followed by the "woah you look tired"... thanks guys... and being shown the yummy food and just being with the extended family.

13. Being homesick happens... often
You're so busy while you're on the island and you have barely any time to think about anything other than school and what you're doing tomorrow for class. But when you do sit down and think (especially if you stayed on island between semesters) you really start to miss your concrete jungles back home. Remember that traffic you used to despise? You kind of miss sitting in it. Those obnoxious honks from cars speeding by? You miss it. Starbucks... you miss it... a lot.

14. Missing food you never missed is normal
When I lived back at home did I ever crave any type of fast food? NEVER! A salad? NO WAY! On island... every day. Being in a smaller town is great because you don't have many distractions but it also means you see the same restaurants every day. When you first come on island that Chinese place down the street may be the best! Two months in you never want to see chicken fried rice ever again.

15. Your family may be far away but your friends will fill that void
This runs closely with lesson 12... even though you miss family events with your family back home you get to spend them with what I like to call them my "Island Tribe". What is also sad about this lesson is that you only get to spend these events with this island tribe on Dominica once. That's right one time. Unless you're lucky and you get your birthday on island two times. As difficult as it is to not be with your family for those special days - your island tribe will always come to save the day when you're feeling some serious home-sickness.

16. Self love is the best love
Medical school is tough stuff. It's no walk in the park and if someone says it is they're a liar. You have to push yourself harder than you've ever pushed yourself in your entire life. Sometimes it pays off. Sometimes it's as if you never studied. It happens to every single one of us. It's hard to realize at times but you didn't get here by chance. You worked your butt off and made sacrifices in your life to get here. It may not seem like its paying off now but in the long run it is. Never EVER give up hope on your dream. If you ever need a little pick me up always feel free to shoot a message my way.

Jen

Find your Tribe

Hey guys!

So I was asked a really good question and I thought it would give me a perfect opportunity to write a blog post.

"How do you keep going when people doubt you?"

I have a long and a short answer to this one...

In short - DON'T LISTEN TO THEM!

Now my longer response. Everyone I've spoken to has had their fair share of people who didn't believe in them or didn't think that they would be able to get to whatever their dream goal was. I can only speak from my own experience but I've had my own non-believers in my life. It's difficult when you are seeing any sort of academic advisors and they tell you to "quit" or "drop out" or "try again later". So negative... and such a bone breaking way to crush someones soul. Coming back from situations like that are very difficult. But it all boils down to your support system.

I've been so incredibly grateful that my friends and family have always stood behind my back 150%. Whether they be at home (hi Mom, Dad, Alex and Babcia!), on the other side of the country (hi Mary Anne!) or on the other side of the world (hi Susan!) I know I have people who have so much belief and faith in me that it just keeps me going.

But back to getting over that initial soul crushing moment - it's going to be hard... and it will never get easier when someone says you can't do something. Turn those emotions around and take all that sadness and all of those tears and fight. Do everything you can to prove that person wrong. So what if they don't think you can make it into medical school. Half of the time they may not really even know what it takes to get into medical school (other than your usual GPA and MCAT statistics). And find someone who does believe in you.

I've been so fortunate that my parents have always told me to follow my dreams and they will always be there for me. Internally that wasn't enough. I wanted someone from an academic standpoint to believe in me too. Fortunately I was able to find professors who believed in me when I couldn't believe in myself. And I want to say thank you to them - for writing my letters of recommendation, letting me sit in your office to talk, welcoming me into your lab and for most importantly not putting any weight on my transcript and basing their opinion on me after knowing me as a person and as a student.

All in all - you will have people who will doubt you or criticize you on the way but take everything they say with a grain of salt and keep on pursuing your dreams.

- Jen

One Month Left

Hey guys!

It's been about a month since you've heard from me (sorry about that) but I've been a busy little medical student over here! We just had a very heavy, and very interesting, Heme and Lymph and MSK block and mini. Now we are in our GI block and then we have Reproductive and then third semester will be over!

I don't know about the rest of my class but I am starting to feel the burn of basically being in school for a year straight (including MERP). I think no matter how much you try to avoid it it will hit you at one point and from then on it's a pure endurance battle. Waking up in the morning is a little harder, easy concepts seem so much more difficult, going home seems painfully far away and stress levels keep rising.

It gets tough and nothing really ever prepares you for it. One of my good friends posted an article saying to go into medicine because you want to go into medicine, not because you have stellar grades or your parents want you to or you want to make money. None of that will get you through medical school. The only thing that will get you through will be your desire to become a doctor. This got me to thinking - what were my thoughts before I got into medical school. How did I interpret becoming a doctor and more importantly medical school?

So I started rummaging through my inbox with the hopes of finding my MD Essay.

Here's a little bit of that essay. I know it's helping me out right now to read it again and to realize all you need to do is fight.

"My road to fourth year has required significant focus and I have been faced with many different challenges along the way. The identity crisis in my very first semester, realizing that what I had envisioned myself studying was not actually what I wanted to do alarmed me tremendously. I found I struggled with identifying who I was. During my whole high school career it seemed obvious that I would study Mechanical Engineering. When I came to the realization that I had no passion for it, it made me extremely nervous and uncomfortable. What would I do without the identity I had developed over the past four years? I had to find something else to be passionate about and that I would enjoy studying that was not Robotics or Mechanical Engineering. With a lot of support from my friends and family I realized that all along I enjoyed the movement of objects, not necessarily robotic objects, but human movement.

After dealing with my identity crisis in first year and transferring into Kinesiology I was finally getting my feet on the ground and I began to feel like myself again. I loved my classes, and found that I was excited to learn again. Unfortunately, I received devastating news of the passing of a very close family member right before my finals in December 2012 - the first half of my second year. Even though I tried to put up a strong front, this death affected me. Not soon after, in September 2013, my grandfather passed away from cancer. I was very close to my grandfather and although he had been battling cancer for a number of years I was still shocked and heartbroken. In that same month my father had heart surgery, which also took a toll on my schooling. And regrettably my father required a second heart surgery in November 2013. I did all that I could to focus on my schoolwork. Ultimately maybe I should have let myself heal from all of those traumatic experiences, but my education is very important to me and I knew if I could get through all this I would emerge a stronger and better person.

Through the tough times I strived to keep a smile on my face and a positive outlook on life. Looking back at my life, I realized that if I didn’t go through the tough times I wouldn’t be who I am today. The tough times made me realize how beautiful life is and how one smile can make a massive impact on someone’s day.

If I could pinpoint a specific time that made my passion for medicine grow it would have to be during the year 2013 when I had multiple stressors in my life. That was when I came to the conclusion that there was no doubt in my mind that I wanted to pursue a career in medicine. If I could alleviate someone’s pain, or brighten someone’s day and be lucky enough to call that my job I would never have to work a day in my life."

- Jen

My mom and grandma visited me today :)

M2 here we go!

Hello my friends!

I am writing this post from an amazing villa in St. Maarten - on my first day where I can actually take a breath and relax (minus my 3:30 am wake up for my 8 am flight). I'm here with my mom and my good friend Jackie. It's been a long four months not seeing my mom so there were some tears when I saw her. She also surprised me with birthday cards from friends and family back home so that had sleep deprived me back into a sobbing mess.

I wrote my final on Tuesday and that was probably one of the hardest tests I've written on the island so far. Within one week we had our fourth mini, a practical exam and our final. That week was honestly the hardest I've worked in my student career thus far. I knew going into this semester that physiology was not my strongest subject and I needed to work a little harder to get the material... and even harder once the semester was coming to an end because I could feel myself getting burnt out. That week leading up to the final were some of the longest, most frustrating days I've experienced as a student.

While I'm going through this I would check my Timehop app (it's my morning routine) and I realized I began MERP a year ago. Reflecting back on how stressed I was I realized how far I've come both academically and mentally over the past year.

Two days later...

Alright I've been slacking on this post but I WILL FINISH IT NOW

Our MPeL and MPS was released today so I can officially announce that I am a M2 student!!!

*cue the largest sigh of relief*

Starting September I will be a 3X student and I will be the Prime Minister of the Canadian Club on campus - I'm doing a little happy dance right now.

As I mentioned earlier I've pushed myself harder than I've ever pushed myself in my life. And it's been paying off - I tell myself every evening "want it more than you're scared of it". Some days are rough, and it's so incredibly difficult to motivate myself - but I look around and I am inspired by every single one of my friends. They all work so hard and will always put a smile on my face.

See you all on the flip side starting 3X!

Jen

Finding Dory in Dominica

Hello friends!

Just writing to you after my first weekend off since coming to the island! We just finished our Neurology block - we had our practical exam on Wednesday and our Mini on Friday. I think I can speak for my whole class in saying that we've been waiting for this weekend since first semester. Even though we had no classes this week it was a tough week. I find neuro very interesting but there was so much information to try and cram into our heads. After this semester I'm 100% certain we deserved this weekend off (even though it went by in the blink of an eye).

Second semester has been tough I'm not going to lie. I'm not very strong in Physiology and this is a very Physiology dense semester. I've been working my butt of to try and grasp this information as much as I possibly can (along with trying to figure out how to get more hours in my day - if anyone has an answer please let me know).

This weekend was so relaxing - but we also had a lot of fun! On Friday night we went to a Paediatrics Student Auction where my friends and I were auctioned off for 2400 EC - approximately 860 USD. We were so excited that we were able to raise that much money for a child on the island to have a heart surgery.

On Saturday we spent the afternoon Snorkelling in Cabrits National Park. It was a nice boat ride - three hours and two different reefs. The water was so blue, clear and stunning - one thing that I love so much about the island. I'd never been snorkelling before so I was so excited to finally go and cross that off my bucket list.

Today I had a nice sleep in and a brunch at my favourite breakfast place called Aunty Graces. A group of us then went to a lazy river past the airport and just enjoyed nature - admiring our Jurassic Park Island.

I still sit here in total awe of where I am studying medicine. Not only am I living out my dream of becoming a doctor but I also get to do it on a stunning island. As I've mentioned before it can be frustrating because it's not like home and we don't have the same things readily available but the island itself is so beautiful. It's very easy to get caught up in the little bubble surrounding campus and you don't even realize it but it wears you out. It's always go-go-go around here and you don't ever get much time to just relax and not do anything.

I know I surely needed this weekend to pull everything back together and regain some mental sanity. These next four weeks are going to be long and difficult but I need to keep pushing through. I always tell you guys I keep it totally honest here and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm mentally exhausted and I'm nervous for the next two blocks we have, Endocrine and Reproductive Systems. I haven't had too much exposure to either so it's going to be a larger learning curve for me. All we can really do is keep moving forward and stay positive.

Jen

Snorkelling

The Upper Deck

Food my parents sent

Sunsets

Study Day

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Snorkelling

Tubing

More Tid Bits...

Since I hit 300 views and I'm looking for a break from MCAT studying I thought I'd hit you with some more facts about me

1. I am whole heartedly obsessed with Gossip Girl
2. I have a "Jen's Daily Dance Party" every day
3. I'm religious about getting 11:11. I get really upset if I miss it
4. My mom is my BFF
5. I plan EVERYTHING. Ask my three calendars, and laptop, iPad and iPhone that sync up
6. 100% obsessed with Starbucks. It's my heaven on earth
7. I'm a pretty sappy girl
8. Pretty emotional over here. I cry about pretty much everything. Like if a sad song comes on...
9. Coffee is my lifeline. Don't talk to me unless I've had at least one cup
10. I work with cancer patients and help them while they work out
11. Organization is my middle name
12. Sometimes I like to be totally isolated. Which is weird since I thrive being around people
13. It would be fair to say I'm a pretty blunt person
14. I'm Polish (surprised I haven't mentioned that yet)
15. I loooove children
16. I love to watch talent shows (aka America's Got Talent)
17. I'm going to Vegas at the end of August!
18. I am a HUGE perfectionist
19. If you put me in a mall with a credit card I could not deny I would be there ALL day
20. I drink ridiculous amounts of water

That's all for now,

Jen